…The UFUS
by joebthegreat
Summary: The Unofficial Fanfiction University of Smash! This is a parody of something that was meant to be a parody of bad writing! So you can immagine how pathetic this is! For stuck up snobs everywhere! Like me!
1. Teh Skool ov high lerning taht yu totly

**The Unofficial Fanfiction University of Smash**

**Chapter 1: Teh Skool ov high lerning taht yu totly luv**

Disclaimer: Not only do I not own this idea, and not only do I not have permission, and not only is this not your typical OFU- but… this is an outright sickening disgrace of all that is good and holy in the fan fiction realm…

Fanfiction University crap is owned by some weird chick in LotR… as if anyone here cares about anyone there… but just to be nice I will say that her name is… Camilla Sandman… the story is named The Official Fanfiction University of Middleearth…

I wonder if this will be taken away and I will be yelled at… fortunately the fact is… by saying its 'Unofficial' I really don't have to legally worry… SO HA!

Hmm… oh yes… I would tell you to PM me your profiles to create your own character for this story… but since no one loves you anyway… and I don't really want to bother with you people… all I can say is suck it up and read…

Some freak will go to a University about making fan fictions… sadly… the teachers are almost as incompetent as the students…

DO YOU WANT ANY MORE FREAKIN CRAP!… oh whatever…

TECHNO PWNS! (and ICP pwns too!)

* * *

Jabba Jo Jangles walked into his room… his parents would yell at him about homework… but they had conveniently forgotten how. 

He put on his Techno music and bashed his head against the wall 15 times as usual… then he sat down to write his SSBM story… he planed on making an epic tale about warring kingdoms… and how the Smashers were caught up in a war more deadly than anyone could imagine… he planed on some of the greatest fight scenes ever… he planed on an epic of Angst and Romance.

All that came out before he fainted was _ble…asjkjkgjfkalghafkjg._

He submitted the work to Fanfiction to see if anyone would respond to his warning of greatness… to see how many people were cool… but we still don't know how he did this while he was laying unconscious… oh well.

Suddenly Kirby and Pichu jumped out of his TV screen and slammed into him.

"IM A GOTH LIKE YOU!" Kirby shrieked, but Pichu sent 10,000,000 volts into Kirby quickly shutting him up.

"WE DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT US!" Pichu screeched rolling around on the floor with toilet paper randomly coming out of places we didn't know existed.

"Dude… I didn't say anything about you yet… I was gonna… and then I collapsed from bashing my head into the wall a ton… and now there is this really ugly story named kla" Jabba said.

"YOU JUST USED THE WORD SAID… IN A NARRATIVE… THAT'S HORRIBLE!" Kirby yelled and sucked Jabba into his mouth wondering how he knew what the narrative had said.

Jabba Jo Jangles was floating through blackness… suddenly he saw a desk floating next to him. He sat down and saw a form. He took a pen he always keeps with him out and started to write… after all… what else was there to do?

The form asked for really simple stuff, or as we in the 'sophisticated' part of the world like to say, gay crap. It asked for: name, age, race, eye color, hair color, weight, height, attacks (name 4), favorite character, why is that your favorite character, have you ever used an OC, do you suck, who stole my tampons, and what is your favorite genre

After filling out his name as Jabba; his age as 15; his race as fat blobian; his eye color as pink; his hair color as teal/yellow/purple; his weight as 120; his height as 6'6; his attacks as sleep, eat, shoot lard out of mouth, and take large dump; his favorite character as Kirby, his reason as "KiRbY iS a PiMp", his using an OC as rarely, his sucking as "wtf stfu", admitting to stealing the tampons, and humor as his favorite genre he was spat out by Kirby.

"Did you hate all of those words!" Kirby asked with a hint of not really caring and wanting to go back to sleep. Kirby didn't even wait for a reply. He and Pichu just bashed him over the head with Kazzjaff juice and left.

Jabba Jo Jangles thought he was stoned, so he listened to more techno and started dancing before he cut his foot on a piece of random lard and fell over squirming. Then he fell asleep in a bed of lard.

He was having the weirdest dream. He was going on a Warp Star towards Pop Star. To the left of him was Kirby. Kirby was zigzagging along having fun until he crashed into a nun's ship up ahead killing the nuns and all who cared, thus ending Catholicism as we knew it.

Jabba then looked at the huge University. It looked modern except for the fact that it was made out of cardboard, and it was all painted with sloppy red paint that dripped everywhere, and that it was falling apart and all crappy.

He had never had a dream this vivid before, nothing was so vivid. This couldn't be a dream, this was reality. He had been sent to this school to learn how to write, and he would finally meet Kirby… again… SWEET!

But then Jabba woke up. He was disappointed that such crap had happened. Suddenly Kirby and Pichu emptied him out of a bag and by a normal looking University, except all kinds of grammar and spelling errors had been made. Plastered at the entrance was a sign that read:

"Teh Skool… ov hi lerning… taht yu totly… luv!1!11!oneoneeleven!one!1"

As Jabba attempted to read the crap that had been written wondering who the crud was stupid enough to make that kind of an error, he noticed that Kirby had disappeared. Jabba just shrugged and fell asleep on the spot.

"MASTER JOEB! THE AUTHORS SLASH AUTHORESSES SLASH ME HAVE ARRIVED!" Kirby yelled running into a spacious throne room with a (gasp) throne in the middle of it.

"EXCELENT! SOON ALL OF SMASHVILLE WILL BE MINE!" Joeb laughed as he stretched his arms to the heavens and began worshipping his backpack.

"Why the crud are we doing this anyway?" Kirby asked but was silenced.

"DON'T YOU WANT THE CRAP THESE AUTHORS WRITE ABOUT YOU STOPPED?" Joeb asked.

"Will you cut the king crap out?… and the whole thing is… they are nicer to me than you… you write of things so horrible as… as… me popping!… all they do is make me moronic… I'd rather be a moron than pop!" Kirby began to cry as he had begun feeling sad and the author, as always, needs to fit extra words in there in order to assume smartness.

"SILENCE!… YOU WILL OBEY YOUR MASTER!… JUST MAKE SURE THERE IS NO EVEDENCE OF THEM HAVING LEARNED ANYTHING BY THE TIME THEY LEAVE!"

"But… why the crud do you want that?"

"BECAUSE THAT MAKES ME COOL LOOKING… AND I WANT THEM ALL BRAINWASHED INO MY SICK TWISTED IDEALS!" Joeb wet the throne in glee, then tried to use super awesome powers to clean it up, but couldn't, so he fell asleep.

Kirby walked down the hall back to his room. He couldn't stop thinking about Joeb.

"Why is that freak in charge anyway? Oh well. I just don't want all those kids brainwashed into writing fics where I pop and stuff"

So Kirby went to sleep in his room which will be unspecified because that's how we like it…

And Joeb went to sleep on his throne, which is in the throne room, which is behind the Dining Hall, which is adjacent to the kitchen…

And Jabba Jo Jangles went to sleep outside of the University under the sign of smartness…

And Pichu was busy in a lake killing any living thing that got within 5 feet of the water…

* * *

YAY! 

Well… I warned you about this being a disgrace to all that is of the English language… but you didn't listen… or you actually like my work by now… oh well…

JEIGANS PWN FAT PEOPLE! (wtf is a jeigan?)

Haha…

Dude I feel like Jabba at the moment… except I bashed my head into a wall 20 times… not 15... Oh well…

Oh yeah… never mind… I'm asleep on a throne after having wet myself… oh well, it happens all the time

Blah blah blah… I talk too much…

R&R!11oneeleven!1!11one

And read all the OFFICIAL Fanfiction University stories… there WAS one in Fire Emblem but that died… and there WAS one in Star Fox but that died too… actually I think I'm safer when I'm UNOFFICIAL…

I think they have one set up on Pokemon… and on Zelda… either way if you know how those stories go then you'll know why this one is so… different…

Oh and in case you are wondering… worshipping your backpack is an extremely spiritual experience… and should be loved by all…

And I don't really even like OFUM… so HA!… mostly because it insults the very crappiness on which I was founded…

And now… Here is the review I am anticipating with glee!… (these are the kinds of people I cant stand)

_Shizterdwarf_ writes:

As an author that goes to a highly overrated school, and as I do not believe in any form of originality, I would like to say you suck. Anyone can write a fan fiction, but when it has blood and/or other bodily fluids it is simply a cry for attention, and therefore the author should be shot in the balls with a very highly electric gun. You need to read **Blah Story** In order to truly understand the conformity one must go through in order to be a proper author. This is a humor story with actual humor and is therefore terrible.

Also, I find the fact that something remotely bad happening to a character that one would expect to have something bad happen to it is just a sick and demented way of expressing child-like views. Please go read **Other Blah Story** To truly understand why there can be no common sense inside of a story if it involves something that would make you laugh, and yet too much common sense inside of a story that makes you laugh. You need to learn the secret code of writing that us highly stuck up people know about. I hope you learn that Pichu is not allowed to die even if Bowser jumps on it with its spikes.

I also think you are being a poser because you do something that you like. Doing something that you like and not what the counsel of non-conformists like is treasonous. Now remember, you are not allowed to make fun of us no matter what we say about you.

P.S. May your balls be lit on fire

(the sad thing is… there are people who talk like this… oh well… let them live their boring lives… then again... I'd hardly consider balls lighting on fire to be boring... what kind of sick websites do these people go to in their spare time? oh yeah... this one...)


	2. Trying to get organized…

**The Unofficial Fanfiction University of Smash**

**Chapter 2: Trying to get organized…**

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone/thing/place and I definitely don't own underwear… Who in their right mind wears that crap anyway?

Gold stars:

You can all have 5 unlessyour review was even remotely like the fake review I put at the bottom of my last chapter… you don't get any gold stars if you did that…

Ok then… I'm trying to be as mean as possible… and that's very easy to do with all the pricks out there… YAY! I CAN BE ME AGAIN!

I said, I didn't care to have you people in my story… and yet you sent mestuff anyway… umm…

That's fine… I was a loser and lost the PM someone sent me… honestly I have no clue where that thing went…

Is this a good time to mention that I have PMS?

ICP!

* * *

"Where am I?" Jabba Jo Jangles asked to the person sitting next to him. 

"I don't know where you are. Where are you?" The person asked in confusion.

"I have no clue where I am! Can you help me find myself kind person?" Jabba said in a mean, nasty way.

"Ok, I'll look for you…" the person said walking off in search of where Jabba could possibly be.

"I hope he finds me soon. I really need to do something about this whole 'university' thing," Jabba said watching the person leave with a mix of love, luv, luve, and Louisiana. Sadly the Louisiana was more than Jabba expected and he started beating himself down with a spoon.

"ZOMGLIEZORZ STOP TEH SADNESS!" Kirby yelled and tried to stop Jabba from hitting himself, sadly Kirby was caught in the attack and popped.

"JOO ARE IN TROUBLE FOR MURDUR IN TEH FIRST DEGREE!" a cop yelled and then pulled a gun.

"Stop right where you are! Don't move! STOP MOVING I SAY!" the cop yelled and then shot a random bullet into Jabba's kidney. This bullet in Jabba's kidney ended up causing Jabba to cry. The tears healed the world from the sins of humanity. This caused humanity to get pissed off and beat Jabba down with baseball hats. The attempt on Jabba's life failed miserably and so they just decided to watch some good, wholesome, healthy, cream cheese.

"EVERYBODY STOP MOVING FOR JUST ONE SECOND!" Joeb shouted in anger raising his fist to symbolize farting. So everyone then stopped for exactly one second and then ran in circles crying.

"What's so scary?" Joeb asked but was then silenced by the silence of the lambs. Then the lambs started being more talkative and Joeb was no longer silenced.

"Who's everyone anyway?" Pichu asked.

"When did you get here anyway?" Kirby asked.

"Can someone stop pulling my hair?" some random bald guy asked.

"How are you bald and yet having your hair pulled?" Joeb asked.

"Who are you to question bald people?" Pichu asked.

"Why are we all asking questions when some random crazy mob is surrounding us?" Kirby asked as the group was being surrounded by a mob.

"Where am I in all of this?" Jabba asked as a mom was surrounding him.

"WTF?" everyone screamed like trade brokers as they stared at Jabba being devoured by the mom, who was very fat by the way.

Then everyone calmed down. The bald guy's head reflected sunlight into the mobs eyes causing them to all uniformly trip into the fat mom causing her to explode getting the nasty insides all over the mob causing them to kill themselves in sadness. Then Kirby, Pichu, Jabba, Joeb, the rest of the Smashers, 2,500 random students, and George W. Bush all suddenly appeared in an auditorium.

"WTF?" Everyone screamed together in a large, ear-shattering scream that ended up breaking George W. Bush.

"You broke the president!" some random FBI agents screamed and pointed at the crowd. Then they ran to randomly placed bathrooms and began crying.

"Aww… You hurt their feeling…" Joeb said using the FBI as an example as to why we should all be better people.

"We're sorry…" said the huge crowd together causing another ear-shattering echo that ended up breaking the auditorium.

Joeb stopped caring as he realized that he had to put something _useful_ into the chapter before it ended. So he destroyed the Lutheran Church and then stole a microphone in the chaos that ensued.

"OK PEOPLE! You are all here at the Unofficial Fanfiction University of Smash for one reason! You're either really bad authors, or you're so good that I end up hating life!" Joeb said.

"Isn't that two reasons?" Jabba asked in his conformist way.

"If you're going to question me, then don't question me in a conformist way!" Joeb yelled feeling hurt. "Anyway. You will be going to classes that you will sign up for now. There are basic classes like grammar, and then there are your electives like romance, humor, forums, and reviewing. I have taken the liberty of forcing Jabba Jo Jangles to go to each and every one of these classes just for fun. I've also made it possible for Jabba Jo Jangles to never have to eat. The bad part is that I had to sell his soul to make this possible."

Jabba tried to protest but fell over in the attempt and cried. One random person tried to comfort him but ended up breaking his arm instead.

"Sorry!" the random person said before dumping Listerine into the wound. "I'm sorry! I don't mean to do this!"

Then the random person got lice and died.

"Whatever, you are all signed up for your classes, now you all need to go to your rooms, I have conveniently created a plot hole so that you already know where your rooms are and what your classes are that you signed up for even though you never actually signed up for them. And the Smashers will be teaching you, and whatever else you need to know." Joeb said and then sent them all to their rooms/dorms/bouncy balls.

Jabba Jo Jangles went to his room and learned that he had a roommate. The roommates name was Fabba Fo Fangles. The roommate then died and was replaced by a very humble yet pathetic and retarded author that has no life, Maku. Kirby then ate Maku and popped due to the extreme amounts of acne all over Maku's butt. This left Jabba all alone in his room.

"Yay!" Jabba said.

"Warning, you must get to your first class thingamabob or we will shoot you," said the wannabe professional.

"Get out of here Mekle!" Joeb yelled pushing the person into a meat grinder.

"Don't mind him, he was just my twin mother!" Joeb said as everyone thought about how the crap this was even possible.

"Whatever, just get to your first class" Joeb said.

So Jabba tried to sluff, but failed miserably and so headed to his class.

* * *

YAY! 

I feel soooooooooo wired…

Problem: being wired is like being a bean burrito, although I still don't know why…

Kirby popped. Isn't that fun!

And I still don't know what happened to the urination from that throne, I think its still all over my pants…

If you read this and like it, then good job…

Just so you know, I only did this so that one person might read me and honestly like the story. I don't care if only one random person just skims through the Internet and finds it. As long as one person sees it and likes it then I'm happy. I already get all my fun, I don't need to try and make stories for you guys. I just want to share my freaky lifestyle with you.

Enough of that touching romantic whatever crap. What I really want to say is 'beans' in a fancy way.

R&YE Read and Yorktown Edibles!

W00T W00T!


	3. Class One: Original Characters

**The Unofficial Fanfiction University of Smash**

**Chapter 3: Class One: Original Characters**

Disclaimer: I don't own anything… at all… in any way…

Gold stars:

You can have 42 gold stars unless I PM you telling you that you can only have 4.2 gold stars…

Ok then… hi…

This is a fun story is it not?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT!

I like this story… but it seems I have a somewhat small audience…

I don't care how few people get this… as long as some of you get it… fk the rest of them… I'm sick of them…

Reel Big Fish! White Knuckle Scorin' (a Nintendo CD that pwns)! ICP!11111

* * *

As Jabba headed into his first period, Original Characters, he realized he was only in his underwear. He thought this was a bad dream. Then he was shot by poachers and sold to the Chinese government. He thought all of this was a bad dream, but it was real life. Joeb then rescued him with his awesome anime abilities and dropped him back off at his first period.

"Welcome to your first period! I'm your teacher, Gary Stu." Said a guy sitting there with jaded eyes and dark, black wings wrapped around his body. He looked up with anger at the world.

"And I'm Marry Sue!" Said a girl so hot that I can't explain it. She had hair that was blonde and pink and orange and blue and purple and other cool colors and she looked hot and cute and we liked her cause she looked tough and cool because she was raised on a farm and worked really hard but still knew everything about computers and she had tons of street credit too and yet she was still extremely hot and tough and smart in all ways and then she was born poor but through her own abilities became a multi-billionaire and bought out Microsoft and made it have good games because she was that amazingly brilliant with computers even though she had never programmed before in her life every game she made was a best hit and she modeled because she was still so hot and stuff and her eyes had red because life was so hard and she was about six feet tall and she had creamy skin and black angel wings too and was wearing a shirt that said "demons deserve so much better but you have to stereotype and that's wrong" and she looked cute still and she started doing anime things like winking and sticking her tongue out and doing anime sweat drops and stopping in the middle of things she was doing to suddenly pose and look cute and cool as people laughed because she was so hilarious and should have been a stand up comedian but oh well because she was still cute and a billionaire and everyone wanted to be her friend even though she was the teacher and she was really mysterious too and we all loved her and YAY! Oh, and she was angry at the world too (ooh so kawii or whatever that word is)

With this the real original character walked into the room. He was a bald fat guy who smoked and sat on the couch while watching bondage stuff cause he was a pervert and sick and normal because original characters have to be so normal that they end up having more flaws than normal people. He had about seven teeth and a yellowish nasty skin that looked like you could peel it off just by bumping into him in the hall.

"You are so stupid we hate you because we are picked on and yet for some reason we act like bigots whenever anything different walks near us!" said Stu and Sue.

"Well you get out of my class right now before I tell Joeb that the very thing we are supposed to teach against has hijacked the Original Character class!" the bald fat freak yelled but then had a heart attack because he was 45 and normal people have heart attacks at that age.

"WE WON! WE ALWAYS WIN BECAUSE WE'RE PERFECT!" said Stu and Sue humbly as they were very humble people.

Joeb then ran into the room with a glare in his eye. He jumped nine million feet into the air and landed in front of the perfect people and shot thousands of spikes out of his hands and then did hundreds of back flips while screaming in an anime style. He then did an anime sweat crop when everyone looked at him in a weird way. Joeb suddenly realized he was only in his underwear. He did another anime sweat drop. The perfect people were so perfect that none of the spikes that were lodged into their eyes and stuff hurt them. Then Joeb put some pants and a shirt on.

"We are too perfect to lose to someone as different as you," the perfect people yelled as they shot huge explosions from their hands at Joeb. Joeb did back flips as everything slowed down. Joeb flew to the side to dodge one explosion then he did a back flip over the next one. Joeb saw an opening and flew forward and bit Marry Sue's ear off. Everything sped up as she screamed realizing her face wasn't perfect anymore. She went through angst and sadness as everyone in her life started treating her like she was normal. She then killed herself.

"YOU KILLED HER! YOU ARE A MEAN PERSON!" Gary Stu screamed and pulled out two swords and started doing anime poses with them.

"I'm the anime rip-off here!" Joeb screamed pulling a several-bladed sword and started spinning around doing all kinds of cool anime moves.

The two fought for hours slashing at each other. Gary Stu was perfect though, so he couldn't lose in a battle. Fortunately for Joeb, Gary would randomly start staring into the distance in sorrow as he thought about life during this battle. Joeb then cut Gary's head off and fell over dramatically. Sadly, he fell on to his sword and was rushed to the nearest hospital for treatment.

With this the bald fat normal original character was raised from the dead, this made him no longer normal.

"The lesson today, is that everyone cares about being extremely original, or extremely normal. You shouldn't care how normal the person is, as long as the character is original but realistic then you're fine," the formerly normal bald freak said before dying because surviving his heart attack was unrealistic.

With this first period was over. No one got the point of that lesson and they left to go to their second period.

As Jabba was heading to his next period he saw Kirby walking along looking happy. So Jabba pulled out a knife and popped Kirby.

"HA! JOKES ON YOU!" Jabba laughed and then realized that he had just killed his favorite character. "Crap"

* * *

YAY!

The normal fat bald freak normal person was based on an original character of mine named Bobby Brown… except Bobby Brown isn't normal… but the freaky part of him was from Bobby Brown.

Ok then…

SCHOOL IS OUT!

I've learned that although High School is way easier than Jr. High, the kids are bigger bigots with more stupid things to say after everything you do. Who cares though? As long as I get As I'll end up in a position to choose whether or not I want to help those who refuse to help me. What do you think I'll say?

I DID A FIGHT SCENE! It was supposed to be crappy for all you idiots who expect me to do a good job. If you've read this far into the story then you probably understand that this is a farce and should not be taken seriously.

R&R… Read and Rape! (But don't tell anyone I told you to do that or the cops might get me again)


	4. Class Two: SSBM modes and stuff

**The Unofficial Fanfiction University of Smash**

**Chapter 3: Class two: SSBM modes and stuff**

Disclaimer: I don't own any thing Smash. I don't own any universities. I don't pwn. I never said I pwn I said certain things pwn. I don't own how pissed off people get when I insult the fact that they're going to think almost entirely differently than they do now in about one year.

Gold stars:

You can have several billion gold stars (about fifty cents or so)

The one kind of person I hate: People who sit in a corner and do absolutely nothing because they're too scared and then when someone actually DOES do something they point and laugh at them and act as if they're so much better than the one who's actually doing something. If you're scared then fine, just don't laugh at someone who does something. And you can laugh at someone IF AND ONLY IF you actually KNOW what the hell you're talking about!

Michael Jackson is awesome!

* * *

Jabba walked into his next class feeling ashamed of his Kirby popping. Joeb appeared to him and told him nobody really ever liked Kirby anyway, and assured him that Kirby always seems to come back to life after being popped. With this Jabba went to his second period, SSBM modes and stuff. 

"Hello! Welcome to SSBM modes and stuff! In this class you will learn about the actual GAME that you're writing about! We didn't think this class would be necessary, but some very noobish people have apparently been saying stuff about this game before they even knew who Samus was and how you unlock her! Here at the UFUS, we'd like to educate you about things that should be obvious!" said Kirby as he danced around for his class. Jabba looked shocked to see the puffball that he had popped only a few minutes earlier.

"Actually, that's all the lesson says for me to say. After that it just says 'good luck' and says some random words in leet. So I really have no clue what to say after that." Kirby said and looked around nervously. No one said anything as they watched him like judges at the Olympics.

"Umm… who wants to play a game?" Kirby asked as everyone suddenly jumped up screaming.

"OOH! OOH! I WANNA PLAY A GAME! PICK ME! PLEASE!" everyone screamed as the noise caused all the glass in the room to shatter. This caused everyone to get painful cuts, which caused them to scream louder. This caused the roof to collapse, which broke the bones of random students. This caused even louder screams and the end of the world, as an elite few knew it.

"Settle down class! You can all play!" Kirby said, but no one heard him because they were so busy screaming out random painful words.

"Well. I guess that can be your lesson then…" Kirby said as he walked out of the room and let the riot of pain and noise continue.

Jabba was in the middle of the screams and broken glass and bones. He didn't know what to do. He eventually decided to join in with the screaming, but he forgot how and was immediately laughed at for not being as cool as the other people.

"HA HA! YOU'RE NOT SCREAMING!" one boy screamed as he pointed at Jabba.

It was at this moment that Jabba decided to leave the classroom. Kirby was sitting outside playing with a yo-yo.

"That's a sexy yo-yo!" Jabba screamed causing Kirby to flinch and drop the yo-yo. Then Kirby started crying. This confused Jabba.

Joeb suddenly appeared and slapped Kirby. "You're a failure! You let the class get out of control! They'll never learn if our teachers are this incompetent!" Joeb screamed. Kirby started crying harder.

Jigglypuff suddenly appeared and slapped Kirby. "I want a divorce! You're always too busy with your wife and kids!" she screamed. Kirby was rolling on the floor bawling his eyes out.

Bowser suddenly appeared and pulled out a diamond ring. "I love you! Will you marry me?" he asked with hope in his eyes. This drove Kirby over the edge, he immediately grabbed the diamond ring and popped himself with it.

"Is that a no?" Bowser asked with confusion.

"So THIS is what the Smashers are like in real life!" Jabba said to himself with amazement. Everyone suddenly looked at him with looks that looked kind of like a look that would make you look twice.

"Uh oh" Jabba said as they surrounded him.

"CONGRATULATIONS!" Joeb screamed giving Jabba a gold star and some ketchup. "You got what you were supposed to out of this lesson! SSBM modes have nothing to do with anything, so you shouldn't care at all! Instead of paying attention to how you unlock a character, you should pay attention to the character! Kirby, you can come out now!"

Silence.

"Umm. Kirby?" Joeb said with a sudden look of fear in his eyes.

"KIRBY? ARE YOU ALIVE?" Joeb said crying.

Nobody answered as Joeb screamed at the top oh his lungs while staring up at a passing cloud.

"Relax dude I'm right here" Kirby said as he walked over to Joeb. He then tripped and landed on a rosebush. Kirby popped again.

"NOOOOO!" Joeb screamed again.

"I'm fine!" the pink gooey remains of Kirby said as it sat there in a puddle.

"Way to ruin the moment you prick!" Joeb screamed and then left as author inserts usually suck and I don't want to ruin this story more than what's already been done.

Kirby returned to his puffball state.

Just then the classroom that Kirby had been teaching in collapsed and everyone inside of it died.

"Well. I guess you're the only survivor Jabba! That means you're the only one worthy of writing fanfiction!" Kirby said patting Jabba on an inappropriate place.

"HEY!" Jabba screamed.

"What? I'm freaking SHORT! I can't reach all the way up to your BACK! I need to pat something lower down that I can actually reach!" Kirby said as Jabba nodded in understanding. Then Jabba popped Kirby.

"HA! JOKES ON YOU!" Jabba screamed and tried to run off but ended up slapping into the wall.

"And remember kids! I'm a starting character in the game! That means you don't have to unlock me!" Samus said to a wall.

"Why are you talking to that wall?" Captain Falcon asked as he walked by.

"Because the wall actually understands me! UNLIKE YOU!" Samus cried and ran off dramatically.

Captain Falcon tried to follow her and explain his situation but ended up slapping into the wall.

"PICHU!" Pichu screamed and slapped into the wall. As Joeb saw the carnage the wall was causing he decided to put a sign up. It read, "Warning! Don't slap into the wall at high speeds!"

Jabba then woke up from slapping into the wall, went to slap into it again, and realized that there was a sign so he stopped. Jabba then started to go to his third period. He wasn't going to his third period. He was STARTING to go. This means he looked to his left and right for oncoming traffic before crossing the street.

* * *

YAY! 

I'm glad that this Fanfiction University has taught Jabba some safety rules. He really should make sure to look both directions before crossing the street.

I know you might think that this was a stupid chapter. I also know that you could be thinking about anything right now and so I really don't care.

Yeah… this is a fun story…

Maybe, if I keep telling myself that, this will come true.

So all I can hope for is that you decide to read and review.

I SHOULD DO POETRY!

R&3… Read and 347! (I feel soooo clever right now)


	5. Class Three: Creative Theme

**The Unofficial Fanfiction University of Smash**

**Chapter 5: Class two: Creative Themes**

Disclaimer: I don't own the car that allegedly killed your sister. PLEASE DON'T SUE ME!

Gold stars:

I find you UNWORTHY of the gold star. Gold stars are for people that WRITE… and I don't think there's a single person here that WRITES! Not ONE! I like to EMPHASIZE! But I'm not GOOD at it!

I think I've been ranting too much about people I hate… I used to say all kinds of things in these places… but I get so pissed off sometimes… whatever… that's why God made the babies… so you could have something to choke to death whenever you get mad…

The Offspring! Anything funkadelic! Umm… Disco Music (which IS funkadelic)! REEL BIG FISH STILL PWN! BUY ONE OF THEIR CD'S NOW BEFORE I KILL MY CAT!

* * *

Jabba Jo Jangles walked into his next class (O RLY?).

People were in the class (O RLY?).

There was a teacher in the class (O RLY?).

The O RLY owl died (…).

Jabba sat down and class started.

"Wow, isn't this so exciting!" one random student said that had blueish orangeish nylon pink hair with blonde eyes and yellow skin. This person glowed a glow that made people stop and say things like "Oh my God she's glowing! Someone call a doctor!"

Just then the teacher started talking.

"Hello class! My name is Peach! Can YOU say my name?" Peach asked winking so hard that her eye fell out.

"Umm… your eye just fell out ma'am," Jabba said.

"That's nice" Peach said patting on Jabba's back to comfort him.

"Aren't you going to do anything about it?" Jabba asked.

"That's nice" Peach said as her pats got harder and harder.

"That kind of hurts" Jabba said.

"That's nice" Peach said as she started beating Jabba's back with a baseball bat.

"Jabba fell over drunk" the girl that had blueish orangeish nylon pink hair and blond eyes and stuff said.

"Why did you say that?" Jabba asked before falling over, drunk.

"Tsk tsk. Didn't Jabba ever learn not to drive drunk?" Peach said shaking her face. Her head stayed still but her face slid back and forth on it.

"EWWW!" Jabba screamed.

"You're supposed to be DEAD!" the girl screamed and jumped into the air holding seventy daggers in her left hand alone. "I am from the clan of the demons. We were sent here to kill you because you hold the secret that can destroy humanity! Other than you no humans are important though. They don't even have WINGS! I mean, seriously. How can someone get by without at LEAST having WINGS!"

With this an army of skeleton warriors with red bandanas and shields and spears and stuff ran into the room and glared at the girl.

"Leave him alone. We got to him first!" the skeletons yelled surrounding Jabba.

"Honestly. What good do you think VERY pointy spears that could probably pierce metal if thrown properly will do against me?" the girl asked.

"Kill you" the skeletons replied.

"Well that isn't very nice" Jabba said, interrupting. "I think you should say you're sorry for trying to kill the poor girl."

"But she's TRYING to kill YOU!" the skeletons screamed despite their lack of vocal chords. How _were_ they talking anyway?

"I LIKE to EMPHASIZE my WORDS" The girl screamed as she jumped down from the place that we didn't even know she was hanging from.

Just then a big army of heavenly angels came down looking hot and winking at the cameras. Just then Pit fell out of the crowd of angels and dropped his halo. He died.

"We're here for Jabba. Hand him over now, or we use force"

"Well, I guess you have to choose who you go with" The girl said.

"You tried to KILL him! Why would he go with YOU of all people!" the skeletons screamed.

"She's hot" Jabba said and walked to her. "Besides, angels are SOOO overrated"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE'RE OVERRATED?" Pit screamed despite his dead…ness… "I'm so sick of hearing all this stuff about how heaven is really a bad place with greed and how hell is just a really cool place where everyone gets to do awesome fighting moves and look awesome and stuff! What did heaven ever do to you guys! All we do is promise happiness and you attack us nonstop with this crap!" Pit said and then shut up because he was dead.

"Well… Skeletons look cool, and she's hot. I don't think there's anything left for heaven to give me"

"Eternal happiness?" the angels inquired.

"Nah, that's not all that important" Jabba said.

"You do know that I'm still here, right?" Peach asked as she had forgotten whether or not she was, indeed, here.

"I don't really know where you are, where are you?" Jabba asked.

"I'll go look" Peach said and walked off in search of herself.

"De ja vu" Pit said despite his dead…ness… then he came back to life.

"I'm even stronger than before! And I have GOD on my side! That mean's I'm somehow a greedy person!" Pit yelled pointing at the skeletons.

"What did we ever do other than cheat death by selling our souls to the devil and carry out his every command including try and kill an innocent kid just for the hell of it?" the skeletons asked.

"Actually, I think you just about covered it" Pit said.

"Oh Pit! You're so witty!" Peach said trying to hug him but falling over due to the fact that he was floating in the air.

"I'm grinning!" the girl yelled as she was, indeed, grinning.

"That's amazingly hot" Jabba said.

"I also say baka a lot!" the girl yelled. "And I slap people on the head when they say something that isn't exactly what I want! And I don't really know how to use this duel-bladed sword!"

With this, the girl pulled out a double bladed sword from her pocket. This meant that the sword was quite small. She impaled it into one of the skeletons eyes.

"Honestly, if I'm a skeleton then why would I have eyes?" the skeleton asked and then fell over dead. He was already dead so he just got back up and back into the formation of skeletons that was busy posing for cool anime-looking screen shots.

"This is kinda boring. Besides, it's not like I really care about this kid. He's not that important" Pit said and left, breaking Jabba's self esteem.

"You're right. That whole idea of a guy that's supposed to be the key to saving humanity or whatever is so overused. You're freakin pathetic Jabba!" the girl said and then sat down because she was still in the class. Sadly, while she was up, one of the other students put a whoopee-cushion on her seat. The student failed in setting it up though, and it exploded on impact, killing the girl. We will never know her name.

The skeletons didn't really know what to do as they had lost their map and didn't have any directions to get back to hell. They started making a big skeleton pyramid.

"The point of today's lesson is this: Before you make that story that you think is so original and cool, remember that the idea of a person that is supposed to save/avenge/destroy all of humanity while demons and angels fight over his/her soul and s/he has no clue about what's going on has been done over one billion times already!" Peach said while winking. This caused her other eye to fall out and she went blind. Then Bobby Brown (from two chapters ago) ran in like the hero he is and fell over due to his leukemia. Then he donated an eye to her but it was a faulty eye and so she died. Then he died because he was supposed to be dead already.

(Somewhere deep and dark and secret and cool and stuff like that)

"Sir! There are reports of people dying and coming back to life constantly!" Kirby yelled.

"Sounds like my favorite anime!" Joeb screamed in a happy voice before realizing that he didn't exactly like anime. "Anyway… you ruined the mood of this place Kirby! It was supposed to be all dreary and dark and spooky and scary and you come along with your cute high pitched voice and RUINED it!"

"You think I'm cute?" Kirby asked blushing a little.

"That's disturbing" Joeb said and then popped Kirby with a long, pointy stick.

* * *

YAY!

That IS disturbing!

Ok then… I've run out of things to say other than go to tikitikirevenge's profile and check out his website. That place pwns.

Also… umm… newgrounds seems to not have very many good movies anymore (or have they gotten THAT good at hiding the stuff?), so if you go there… good luck finding anything good that isn't really old. Knox is great, and Foamy is great too, but they both rarely do anything. It's all because people complained and were offended and stuff like that. It drove me to putting more hate in my stories than they should have had. Besides… death shouldn't be related to _hate_, it should be related to _giggling_, and _joy_.

R&TAYLER!… Read and Tell All Your Loser English Retailers!

(Because all people from England are losers… Ireland is the only way to go!)

It seems that fanfiction isn't going to let me upload this anytime soon… so in my bored state I downloaded a ton of songs by some band named the Mad Caddies… THEY PWN! Just… just trust me on that…

I think it's on the newgrounds front page but it might not be… anyway… there's a movie there that I found in my boredom of not being able to update… it's called I'm so post modern… link in my profile! WATCH IT! IT'S HILARIOUS! I'll give you my favorite postmodern quote:

"I'm so postmodern that I sit down to wee, and stand up to poo, at job interviews"

honestly… genius… and go to the website at bedroomphilosopher dot com


	6. Class Four: ActionAdventure

**The Unofficial Fanfiction University of Smash**

**Chapter 6: Class four: Action/Adventure**

Disclaimer: I don't own any SSBM characters or the right to Iraq's security records… I do, however, own a cool little Foamy pin that I like to wear on my shirt and stuff…

Gold stars:

Here… have some gold stars for reviewing… and you can have even more if you mention my favorite breakfast cereal in your next review…

EMO… more like… umm… NEMO! HAHAHAHA! I'M SOOOO WITTY! No really though… why do so many people get so pissed off about a topic so trivial? If I were you I'd get pissed off at something important… like the lack of proper farming techniques being taught in our schools…

THE BEDROOM PHILOSOPHER! REEL BIG FISH! THE MAD CADDIES!

* * *

Jabba Jo Jangles walked into his next class, it was the inside of a big, wooden horse. Everyone in the classroom was wearing Greek armor and preparing for battle.

"What the hell is this?" Jabba asked looking around.

"HELLO CLASS! I WILL BE YOUR TEACHER, GANNONDORF! TODAY WE WILL GO ON A FIELD TRIP TO THE TROJAN WAR IN ORDER TO SEE WHAT A PROPER ACTION/ADVENTURE IS LIKE! WE ALL NEED TO WEAR PROTECTION FOR SUCH AN ATTACK, SO I WANT YOU ALL TO WEAR THESE!" Gannondorf screamed and pulled a bunch of Trojan condoms from his pocket.

"Umm… how are condoms supposed to help us in a war?" Jabba asked.

"Is that what these are called? All I know is that the advertisements say they protect you from harm. SO LETS GO TO BATTLE AND HOPE THIS WORKS!"

With this every one of the soldiers gave a hearty cry. This cry turned into a wail. This wail turned into a sob. This sob turned into a moan. This moan turned into a groan. This groan turned into a growl. This growl turned into a bark. This bark turned into a tree and everyone was confused.

With this the Trojan horse opened and all the kids ran out of it to see that they were still on a boat. Half of the kids fell out of the boat and were eaten by vicious catfish in their attempt to charge, the rest of them watched as famous heroes like Achilles and Odysseus were playing poker.

"Ha! That's a royal flush! I win!" Odysseus shouted.

"RAAR!" Achilles shouted and pulled out his sword.

"I FEEL LIKE I'M IN A GOOD BOOK!" Gannondorf screamed like a fangirl. This was all changed after twenty pages of boring and useless text. So we switched to the movie because that's more fun.

With this the boat landed and everyone charged onto the beach, where a formidable Trojan army was standing. Jabba quietly slid his condom onto two of his fingers and hoped it would work. Then, it started.

Then it ended.

"And THAT'S how you write a good action/adventure!" Gannondorf said with pride in his students fighting skillz and awesome anime powerz.

"What the hell happened?" Jabba asked.

"Simple. Someone shot at you with an arrow, but your condom blocked it out and then you cut his head off with that oddly misshapen piece of metal we gave you. Then Achilles killed everyone else and the day was saved!"

"Is that it? HOW IS THAT A GOOD ACTION/ADVENTURE?" Jabba screamed.

With this Pee Wee Herman jumped onto the scene with a gun and shot Achilles.

"Tell that whore that I've been sleeping with that I like her as a person…" Achilles said and then died dramatically.

"NUUUEEEE!" Gannondorf screamed and then hit the Trojan walls with his sword. The walls crumbled and the Trojans gave up.

Everyone went back to the classroom.

"And so that's how a good action/adventure is supposed to be!" Gannondorf said taking a bow. The class clapped and clapped and clapped some more. The clapped until what had been their hands were just bloody stumps of bone and dead skin. They all died of a yeast infection.

Jabba Jo Jangles had watched this in horror. It had been Gannondorf. Gannondorf had just wanted to kill the bad writers. How could anyone be so heartless? Jabba screamed and charged Gannondorf with a piece of paper, intending to give Gannondorf a paper cut from hell.

"NO! WAIT! THERE'S SOMETHING YOU MUST KNOW!" Gannondorf said as Jabba stopped and waited for Gannondorf to say it.

"I'm your father" Gannondorf said as dramatic music started playing.

"This isn't a drama" Jabba said and cut Gannondorf's head off with the piece of paper.

(Somewhere deep and dark and scary and spooky and zomg I just peed myself from the scarieness of it all… or is that spelled scaryness? What about scariness? Yeah that's it… scariness… yeah…)

"Master Joeb! They've killed Gannondorf!" Kirby screamed running into the room.

"Who? The Trojans? I told them not to go on that field trip…" Joeb said rubbing his knee in thoughtfulness.

"NO! IT WAS THE CLASS SIR!" Kirby said in fear.

"Just bring him back then… it's not that hard…" Joeb said rubbing his pinky toenail in thoughtfulness.

"But sir! They've used the one method that NO SMASHER can ever recover from! PAPER CUTS!" Kirby yelled dramatically.

"NOOOOO!" Joeb said looking up at the ceiling dramatically. Sadly, with how loud he yelled, the ceiling collapsed and killed them both.

(In Joeb's office at the UFUS)

"NOOOOO!" Joeb yelled.

"Jabba is the one who did it!" Kirby yelled.

"I always hated Jabba… he gets so much more reviews than me… and everyone seems to think he's a better author. I'M THE BEST AUTHOR! HOW DARE HE TRY TO TAKE MY TITLE AWAY FROM ME!" Joeb screamed and ripped Ness's arm off to use as a weapon.

"Ow" Ness said in a really fake voice.

Kirby stared at Ness in confusion.

"Oh… I'm just practicing for a school play…" Ness said as everyone nodded in understanding.

(In the classroom that Jabba is still in)

Joeb walked into the classroom. Jabba was sitting there in a dark corner watching his every move.

"I know you're in here. You killed Gannondorf!" Joeb yelled in anger.

"Relax, he can come back." Jabba said.

"You used the most EVIL method known to man! PAPER CUTS! Nobody can come back from such a horrible attack" Joeb said doing a curtsey.

"Oh… sorry bout that" Jabba said.

"HAHA!" Pee Wee Herman said jumping in-between the two

Jabba ripped Pee Wee's head off.

Pee Wee started running around laughing as his head bit Jabba's hand, causing Jabba to drop the decapitated creep.

Pee Wee's body then pulled a lightsaber out and dueled Joeb.

Pee Wee's head started a pie-eating contest with Jabba.

Pee Wee died.

"NOOOOO! MY HERO!" Joeb yelled in sorrow.

(Spongebob insert goes here)

Everyone laughed as the screen faded away.

* * *

YAY!

Tell me you hate me… I haven't updated in forever… the truth is I can't update when my friends are around… they drain me. I can't be me in front of anyone. The only time I can write is when I'm alone… and that's RARE these days…

Anyway… Pee Wee's Playhouse is an AWESOME show… He's my hero.

YAY!

I'm actually in a hell of a good mood…

You liked this story… I don't care what you say… you liked it…

YOU LIKE IT!1

Read And Review and whatever you do DON'T get a life… those things are overrated and just mess with your mind…


	7. Class Five: Mystery

**The Unofficial Fanfiction University of Smash**

**Chapter 7: Class five… Mystery!**

Disclaimer: I don't own a thing… I'm a poor little nerd that nobody will ever understand… Well… it's really all my fault I suck but whatever… I like to blame others… I don't own what I like though… cause I'm poor…

Gold stars:

Have some gold stars for reviewing! You can also have a free ICP song!

I have stuff to complain about… I suck… and that sucks… honestly… don't you agree? You do? You agree with a loser like me? You must suck!

ICP! YOUR SChIZoPHReNiC!i!i

* * *

Jabba walked into his next class… it was all foggy and sleazy and there was a desk at the other end. Link was sitting on the other end with a cigarette in his hand and his feet on the desk, he was an ex-undercover cop who was fired after his methods were considered "too harsh" and was now a bounty hunter. It didn't pay as well, but it was a living.

The classroom was big and everyone was supposed to sit to the side and just watch this. Jabba took a seat next to the stereotypical "bad boy" that always ends up getting his ass kicked by a headstrong tough little girl with no background in fighting. Sitting next to Jabba on the other side was a headstrong tough little girl who wasn't afraid to speak her mind and had no background in fighting.

The door busted open and Kirby waddled in.

"HIIIIEEE!" Kirby screamed extremely loudly and high pitched.

"GET THE FROG-BRISKETS OUT OF MY OFFICE YOU PINK CREEP!" Link yelled as Kirby ran off crying.

"So kawai!" said the headstrong tough little girl.

"So funny! Kawai is so funny!" said a fangirl sitting in the general vicinity of 150 miles.

Just then Marth and Popo, best friends since negative seventh grade, ran into the room.

"You've got to help us!" Popo screamed as Marth was crying. "Somebody stole the chocolate factory!"

Link gasped. This was because the room was covered in smoke and he started to wheeze and hack and cough with teary eyes. Once that was done Link looked up.

"What?" Link said.

"You've got to help us! Somebody stole the chocolate factory!" Popo yelled again.

"I'm sorry? I can't hear you…" Link said.

"You've got to help us! Somebody stole the chocolate factory!" Popo yelled for the fourth time. Nobody knows when he yelled it for the third time, but this was the fourth time he yelled it.

"Shut up! I heard you the first time! God you're an idiot!" Link yelled slapping Popo upside the head.

Marth started crying even harder.

"What's this freaks problem?" Link asked pointing to Marth.

"His baby was inside the chocolate factory when it was stolen" Popo said with A Grin. A Grin then left as he had a party to go to.

"OK THEN! LETS GET YOUR CHOCOLATE FACTORY BACK!" Link yelled standing up and pointing in the general direction of Japan.

"That was the general direction of Japan! I love Japan! I wanna live in Japan when I grow up and become famous for my awesome kawai animes!" the headstrong tough little girl screamed.

"Could you please keep it down? I'm trying to watch this…" The "bad boy" asked politely to the headstrong tough little girl.

The headstrong tough little girl kicked the "bad boy's" ass.

"You totally deserve that for being such a meanie!" the headstrong tough little girl said. She coughed on some of the cigarette smoke and died.

Suddenly the scene in the classroom changed to a big chocolate factory.

"Where do you think this chocolate factory has been taken to?" Link asked a crying Marth.

"The little people! They came… ALL THE COBNUTS! Something's watching us!" Marth yelled.

"From what I've seen here… it was Fox!" Link said as all the Smashers were gathered into the same room and gasped.

"Gasp!" yelled Peach, as she never knew how to actually gasp and so had to say the word.

"Where's your proof!" Fox yelled in anger pointing at Link.

"These fish nets, a pair of broken headphones, a Korn CD, this oddly misshapen fingernail clipping, and a pair of rusty spoons." Link said pulling each out of his tunic one by one.

"Where did you store all that?" an amazed onlooker asked.

"Well… you see…" Link said blushing. "I put them up… my… umm… tunic… and into a secret… umm… compartment… umm… of magic?"

"Oh OK" Everyone said in unison.

"Oh OK" Peach said off beat.

"BOO!" Everyone yelled, beating Peach down with a bat.

"BOO!" Peach yelled, beating herself down with a bat off beat.

"This is off the topic! The point is that Fox is the one who stole the chocolate factory!" Link said pointing an accusing finger.

"But we're in the factory! So technically the factory was never stolen!" Fox said looking around at everyone desperately.

"That… well… that can be explained by this piece of barbed wire" Link said trying to pull some barbed wire out of his secret hiding area.

"Ow… OW! It's stuck on something… OW! OK there it goes" Link said pulling out a bloody piece of barbed wire.

"I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT TOO! IF IT WASN'T FOR THOSE DAMN KIDS! And that flabberdoodigling dog too!" Fox yelled.

"You're the only dog here" Link said.

"What about me? I'm a homedawg fo shizzle!" C. Falcon yelled jumping out and flashing a gang sign.

"Like I said… you're the only dog here" Link said.

"NOOOOO!" Fox and C. Falcon cried in unison as they were both taken to jail. Fox for grand theft coco, and C. Falcon for going outside without wearing a leash.

"I expect my payment by next Tuesday" Link said turning around and leaving dramatically.

DK threw some brown stuff at Link, getting it all over his face.

"That better be chocolate!" Link yelled.

Everyone laughed a typical laugh.

Then everyone left and Link was the only one in the room with the kids.

"How was THAT for a mystery?" Link asked.

"It sucked!" one of the students yelled.

"But… but… it was a play written by JOEB… and… and… I, THE GREAT AND ALMIGHTY LINK, starred in it!" Link said crying.

The crowd threw tomatoes.

"Whatever. The point is that Mysteries are good. As long as you put enough time and dedication into the story so that everything goes together and people can't easily guess who did it. But remember, there have to be clues, just not obvious ones. So basically Mysteries are freakin HARD…" Link said in a whiney voice.

With this class ended.

"Wow… the whole student body didn't die that time!" Jabba said leaving.

There was a gas leak of some substance that only Jabba was immune to.

Everyone died.

* * *

Mysteries are fun. Case Closed is a good anime because of this. Although most "cool" anime people wont admit it as they try to be more mature.

I try to be mature too… only when I do I get thrown in jail for public lewdness… so it never seems to work out for me…

Oh well…

SPONGEBOB!11

Not Squarepants though… I prefer Spongebob Sphericalpants…

Now review… or I might just have to shoot you with this blow dart!


	8. Class Six: Romance

**The Unofficial Fanfiction University of Smash**

**Chapter 8: Class six… Romance!**

Disclaimer: I own SSBM and Nintendo and France… LOL! I wouldn't own France…

(I don't really own SSBM or Nintendo…)

(Nintendo does)

(And they are not responsible for me sucking)

(This story is not meant for small children, as it my prove fatal if swallowed)

Gold stars:

Have some gold stars for reviewing! You can also be told about the BEST strategy game of all time! Victoria! It's just a game about world conquest that's a little big more realistic then most games where you destroy the world. And you get the option of completely destroying France!

I think Pee Wee Herman is the next Picasso.

I think Barney is the next Bach.

I think I am the next Earnest Hemmingway.

I think FFN is the next Teutonic Knights.

* * *

Jabba was a rebel. Instead of walking into his next class he decided to _skip_ into his next class. Sadly, as he looked around, everyone else was skipping into the class too.

"I've failed!" Jabba cried. Instead of cutting himself, he decided to be a rebel and not care. Sadly, as he looked around, nobody else cared either.

"Damn" Jabba swore to be a rebel. Sadly, as he looked around, everyone else was swearing even louder and with much worse words.

"Damn isn't a _real_ swear word! It's pathetic! You're pathetic!" one girl yelled, pointing at him.

He flipped her off to be a rebel. Sadly, as he looked around, everyone else was flipping her off too.

So, he decided, in order to be a rebel, he would have to do something truly drastic. He started watching Barney. Sadly, as he looked around, everyone else was watching Barney too.

He jumped up and started bashing his head into a wall. Sadly, as he looked around, everyone else was bashing his or her head into a wall too.

He decided to get good grades. As he looked around, people tried to get good grades, but failed.

"HA! I DID IT! I WAS A REBEL!" Jabba yelled, lifting his arms into the air with victory.

"Nuh-uh! You aren't a rebel! You're the only sell out here! The rest of us are rebels!" one girl yelled, pointing at him.

"Why are girls always doing stuff out of character? Why aren't there more boys? Is Joeb a sexist letting mostly girls in so he can be alone with them?" Jabba asked.

"No, it's just that most fangirls are girls… sometimes they can be boys though…" the girl said trying to sigh in frustration. She had a heart attack instead and died.

"Stop talking in class you little whippersnappers!" Doctor Mario yelled running into the room with a shotgun in a comical way in his attempt to be funny. Sadly, he fell over and got his arm blown off.

"That was very sad and not funny at all" one girl said, pointing at Jabba as he tried to mock Dr. Mario in a comical and funny way.

The whole class threw tomatoes at Jabba in disgust.

Just then, one nerdy looking kid raised his hand.

"Yes nerdy looking kid?" Doctor Mario asked trying to sew his arm back on; he ended up just giving himself AIDS though.

"Why would a doctor be teaching the class about romance?" the nerdy looking kid asked.

"While it is true that I'm a doctor, I'm not the kind of doctor you think I am. I'm a doctor of LOVE baby…" Doctor Mario said winking. Half of the girls fainted the others barfed. A couple of guys giggled though.

"First lesson! Roy and Marth don't work! Marth's Fire Emblem game has NOTHING to do with Roy's as far as anyone knows yet. Marth would probably hate Roy because of his red hair. Roy would call Marth a fruit for the tiara. That is how it would go when they first see each other. Then Roy would call out his band of mercenaries and Marth would call his out and they would fight until only Roy and Marth are left. Then they'd go out for some beer and rape little children. I would know this because I am a doctor of LOVE… and have been doing studies on the two for quite some time" Doctor Mario said with a wink.

Half of the girls barfed until they fainted, the other half had already fainted. A couple of guys giggled again.

"NOT LIKE THAT!" Doctor Mario screamed taking out a bubble gum wrapper and killing the poor guys with it.

Just then Peach broke into the room. "I'm leaving you for Mario!" Peach yelled as Doctor Mario started crying.

Doctor Mario then ripped up his doctorates.

"I LUV j00!" Peach screamed kissing Mario, who was no longer a doctor.

"Remember kids! Girls hate smart people! They want someone who will just randomly babble while listening to them about their new shoes!" Mario said with a wink.

The girls woke up, listened for a little while, and then fainted again.

A couple of guys giggled.

"Was that a coherent sentence you just said?" Peach asked in anger.

"I dunno I was just ya know yeah blargen froikel blah blah" Mario said trailing off.

"I STILL LUV j00!" Peach screamed while kissing Mario.

"How is she screaming and kissing Mario at the same time?" Jabba asked himself.

"Why are you asking me? How would I know?" Jabba replied.

"I just thought you did…" Jabba said.

"Well I don't!" Jabba said.

"Fine… I'm going to figure this out though…" Jabba _commented_.

"I scream into his mouth! Which usually causes great amounts of pain! But he's my Mario and so I have the right to cause him all the pain I want!" Peach said with a wink.

Half of the girls got malaria and died.

A couple of guys giggled.

Jabba was one of these guys.

He was soon shot by a northern/southern/eastern/western hic.

"Don't make fun of Texas like that!" one girl screamed.

"What in gods name are you talking about?" the hic asked. "Whatever, I don't care much fer them technological doohickeys anywho. I prefer my good ol' banjo" the hic said.

"Stop making fun of Texas!" the girl cried.

This hic was actually from Austria.

"I'm a male! Male's are not represented enough in this chapter! Girls are not the only stupid ones and this chapter is sexist!" a male woman said.

"XOMG!" Jabba said as he was in on the new trends.

"I'm still trying to teach!" Mario yelled at the distracted class. They all turned to watch him.

A couple of guys giggled.

"WHO KEEPS DOING THAT?" Mario screamed trying to pull out a shotgun in a comical and funny way. He blasted Peach's head off on accident.

"NOOOOO!" Mario cried looking up into the sky with horror.

Everyone in the class clapped at the performance.

"That wasn't an act! She's dead! Don't you care?" Mario yelled in horror.

Everyone in the class clapped at the performance.

"Whatever! The point is that all good romances involve a girl that hates the main character but then through some odd way such as rape or murder of the other guy the girl realizes that she might as well give in to her stalker!" Mario said.

"Was that a coherent sentence you just used?" Peach's dead corpse asked in anger.

"I dunno I just well you know umm yeah…" Mario trailed off.

The hic from Austria went skydiving but missed and hit Mario and they died.

The whole class caught malaria and then threw it at the UK.

The UK was destroyed.

Ireland wasn't.

Ireland caught malaria and threw it back at the class.

The class died.

Germany went on a mad world conquest.

They lost in their confrontation with Bolivia.

Hong Kong declared independence from China.

Jabba decided to stop watching the news and left for his next class.

* * *

YAY!

Romantic is from romanticism which is an idea of everyone being connected to some stupid over soul or something like that and not to destroy all the trees and be one with nature and yourself. I don't know how that was converted into a cheesy guy loves girl and girl loves guy but neither will admit it idea, but it was.

XOMG! ACT II SAID IT FIRST! HE PROBABLY STOLE IT BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE STOLE IT FROM! ALL I KNOW IS XOMG!

Read and Rotate…

(is witty)

XD

DX

8D

D8

XE: I am the best smiley of them all!1

3X


	9. Class Seven: Horror

**The Unofficial Fanfiction University of Smash**

**Chapter 8: Class seven… Horror!**

Disclaimer: I don't own anything… I don't own a computer… I don't own shoes… and I don't own innocence… this story is not intended for children under the age of 13. If you are 12 years old then you are not allowed to read this… the FBI will be by your house to make sure you are sticking to these rules… seriously… I don't lie… or tell jokes… at all… ever…

Gold stars:

You can have 99 gold stars if you review and are really really nice to make and me me smile and stuff… (if you are confused… it's because my word program says it's more grammatically correct than what I had originally put)

You lose 100 gold stars if you mention my name in the review…

ICP makes me smile in places I didn't know I even had…

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"AHH! SCARY!" Jabba yelled as he walked past Wario.

"Why are they always so mean?" Wario cried as he started bashing his fist against the sidewalk in sorrow. His hand slowly eroded away to the bone. Then the remains of his hand snapped off as he screamed in horror.

"This scene has shown sorrow in a way only Brad Pitt would be able to duplicate…" DK said with one of those cool pointer things that teachers use when pointing at maps.

"That sure is a cool pointer thing that teachers use when pointing at maps!" one student said happily. DK impaled this student for his impudence, presumption, impoliteness, and other long cool words that could have just been avoided with the use of the word rudeness.

"This is an example of satire!" DK said pointing to a scene on a TV screen where a poor little boy was getting his organs ripped out and eaten by some vicious gothic looking people with fangs. Blood was everywhere.

"Oh wait… no… that was an example of disgusting horror… the kind of horror where they try to make you puke… and then you get horrified because your parents are going to be home soon and they'll kill you if they see the mess you made. They'll likely kill you just like they killed you in the movie and you'll never trust your parents again. This kind of horror relies on the reader having a weak stomach and a tendency to second-guess people." DK said with his tendons as everyone clapped at his talent.

"Next up for our talent show is Ness! He has the ability to pop his head like a zit!" Kirby said with a microphone. He accidentally swallowed the microphone and had a shocking experience… Ha ha ha!… Get it? Shocking? Whatever he died…

Everyone clapped as Ness walked on stage. He looked around silently to all the people and then pulled out a comically large hammer. He waived it over his head and then brought it down. A sickening crack was heard as his body crunched up and he was left on the floor, bleeding out of places we didn't know/want to know existed. His head hadn't popped though.

"BOO!" the crowed yelled at him angrily.

Then the talent show was over and Jabba decided to go to his class on how horror was supposed to be made.

"Hello class! I'm DK! I was in the talent show! In it I explained disgusting horror with my tendons! Aren't I cool!" DK said waiving to the class.

"Yay!" everyone yelled happily.

"Next I will talk to you about suspenseful horror! In suspenseful horror, the focus is not on how they die. The focus is on a few people dieing, and then a hero trying to find the killer, or escape from the killer's lair. Usually ending with the killer dying in a scary chase or something like that or whatever… I don't really know what I'm talking about! I hate life!" DK cried and fell to the ground, crying.

"Well… umm…" Jabba said.

"DON'T MUMBLE YOUNG MAN!" DK screamed beating Jabba with that cool pointer thing that teachers use to point at maps.

"Why don't you just point at maps with your finger?" one girl asked.

"That's a great idea!" DK said and started beating Jabba with his finger.

"Please stop that" Jabba said in a bored way that sounded like a Junior High Play.

"I'm offended!" DK yelled. "I was in a Junior High Play!"

"Then you'd know they act like Nazis when all you do is hit a kid with a metal chain thing" Jabba said.

"Ye… wait… WHAT?" DK asked.

"All I did was hit the kid in the face with a metal chain…ish… thing and they were all mean to me and stuff" Jabba said with a sorry face.

"I'm sorry to hear your pain…" DK said patting Jabba on the back so hard his lungs popped. Everything went dark.

"Jabba woke up with a really bright light over his head." Peach said giggling.

Just then Jabba woke up.

"Where am I? Is this Hell?" Jabba asked.

"No. You're not dead." Peach said giggling.

"Dang it… I always wanted to meat Satan…" Jabba said.

"Don't you mean meet Satan?" Peach asked giggling.

"No… I think he would have made a great steak…"

"Don't you mean Steek?" Peach asked giggling.

"Lolz you're funny!" Jabba said falling in love with Peach. He then fell out of love with her and left.

"Don't you mean leet?" Peach asked giggling.

Jabba walked back to the horror class as DK was getting into it.

"And now to show you the most horrifying of horror genres there are… the stereotypical rap song!" DK said pressing a button on his CD player.

Barney came on.

"I love you! You love me! We're a happy family!"

"AHH!" DK screamed turning the radio off. "That was the wrong CD… umm… yeah…"

"See… I hate Rap… seriously… I hate hard rock too… and seriously… I hate Barney… I hate those kids shows… they're too immature… I hate immaturity… you see… I hate almost everything about this country… I prefer anime songs… Who cares if I don't know the language and so any point they're trying to make is lost on me? I don't! Who cares if when it's translated it doesn't rhyme and that kind of makes the song not sound as great? I don't! I just hate that music that has a beat… it sucks!" one student said.

"Yeah… and you see… I hate when people have something to prove. If someone did something good it's just so other people will see. I totally know that whenever anyone does anything right they're just trying to look cool. They're all attention whores. I seriously hate those successful people." Another student said.

"What did that last rantish thing even have to do with anything?" DK asked.

"Well… er… umm… see… I… love… you…" the student said.

"I LUV YOU TOO!" DK said as the two ran towards each other at full speed. They slapped into each other at full speed as DK plowed through the student, killing him.

"Oh phooey!" DK said sitting down with a pout on his face.

"Phooey? You're stupid! You're all stupid! Smart people say things like 'mother f this sh here I fing hate it'" a student said grinning.

"None of this has been satire, it's been an example of what fart jokes can do to people in a serious manner" Jabba said to the screen. He was talking to the TV screen. This proved his insanity and the men in white coats came and shot tranquilizers at some random girl. The tranquilizers were filled with soup from the local soup kitchen and all the local bums were angered.

"See… I can't stand Rap… I mean… It's like… stupid… like…" one student started.

"Are you still talking?" the girl who had been injected with soup asked. She then transformed into Soup Kitchen Monster. Random local bums infested her making her smell bad. Then she died when the Pine-sol advertising girl sprayed her to death with some chemicals.

"Oops… this isn't Pine-sol! It's rat poison!" the advertising girl screamed and then fell over, alive. Nope… now she's dead… but when she fell over she was alive and well…

"See… that's why I hate Rap…" one student said.

"Can you hurry up and tell us your name so we don't have to call you by the name 'one student'?" Jabba asked looking to the screen. He was still talking to that TV screen.

"This isn't even horrifying…" One student stated.

"Yes it was!" DK screamed. "There were local bums in these chapter! Those things are scary!"

"That's stupid! You're all stu…" one student started when his name painted on a big 20 ton anvil fell on top of him with a sickening crack.

"See… that shows how stupid Rap is" one student said.

Just then the TV screen stood up. "I think Rap is very educational… in a way…" it said.

"Yeah… I listen to rap!" Jabba said with anger.

"So do I!" Bobby Brown yelled running into the room.

"Shut up! You're an inside joke that nobody will laugh at!" DK yelled and tried to beat Bobby Brown down with a frown.

"Lolz rymez!" Jabba said.

Just then the TV screen went crazy and killed everyone in the room. They didn't die though.

"That isn't logical!" one student said.

"Lolz logic!" Jabba yelled.

Just then they all died. Except Jabba, he escaped with minor bruising.

"That was scary!" Jabba said walking along. He then turned over and looked to see Wario's face.

"AHH!" Jabba screamed.

"Why do they always do that?" Wario screamed and tried to bash his fist into the sidewalk, but he didn't have a hand anymore and so he cried even harder than usual.

"EMO!" one man yelled pointing at Wario.

"AHH! TEH SHCARIEZ! EMO HATERZ ARE TEH SHCARIEZ!" Jabba yelled pulling a shotgun and killing himself a penguin for dinner. "Yumz"

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I think I did a very good job of explaining horror in this chapter…

It was a very efficient chapter…

Yesh…

I have friends in real life… they're getting more serious by the minute… except for one… or two… or whatever…

Anyway… I've said it before and I'll say it again… I tried being mature once and got arrested for public lewdness…

And I have hit someone in the face with a metal chain like thing… I'm lucky they didn't do more than kick me out of the play… I was on probation when I did it…

ICP! I respect serious things if they do a good job of it… ICP is serious and funny depending on the mood and yeah… I'm getting paid to do this… (not really…)

E&E… Ead-ray and Eview-ray… kay-oay? (Spam makes for wonderful food… until you start eating it)


	10. Class Eight: Spiritual

**The Unofficial Fanfiction University of Smash**

**Chapter 10: Class eight… Spiritual!**

Disclaimer: I don't own my shoes. I don't own my toenails. I don't own my crappy English class. I don't own fanfiction or SSBM or SSMB or SSBB or a Nintendo Wii.

Gold stars:

You can have gold stars Razzkat! And whoever wrote Starkraft (Ryfry I think) can have gold stars! And Act II can have gold stars! Tealfrog, if he is even still alive, can have gold stars! Uhyeahitsteamdark can have gold stars! Knuckles Zidane Sora Link blah blah blah who's name is now JAESRKKRAJFLREJARLPWQK-san can have gold stars! Maku (who I don't even know if he will ever get into fanfiction) can have gold stars, but only a few! A Jew can have gold stars! Chipmunk X can have gold stars! I can have gold stars! Oh wait… recent information has revealed that I cannot have gold stars. Oh well…

Bloodhound Gang, they sing a song that parodies rap and video games and all kinds of cool things. I love them. Here's a small part of their best song EVER!

So I like to dance naked

In front of my pets

But my cat was out of town

So I sent him UPS

I play spin the bottle

With my mom

I… can't… go… on!

Yay!

linelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelineline

Jabba walked into his next class with a Koran.

"Glad to see you brought a Qu'ran!" the teacher, Young Link said. "Seeing as how this is a spiritual class and all"

"It's a KORAN!" Jabba yelled with anger.

"I've seen plenty of Korans before, and that's definitely a Qu'ran" Young Link replied.

"It's my Koran, I would know!" Jabba yelled.

"Why are you arguing about the Koran anyway? We all know the Bible is obviously better!" one person said holding up the Bible.

"He's right" Jabba said as he tossed the Koran into a fire.

"KILL THE INFADEL!" Young Link screamed in anger.

"AHH!" the person cried and ran away to the Netherlands, where he married twelve children and had a wife.

"EW!" the National British Investigation Squad screamed.

"Shut up you atheists!" the person screamed.

"'K" Young Link said as he was secretly an atheist.

"And that's the secret of life" Young Link said.

"What about bacon? I could have sworn bacon was involved somehow" Jabba said.

"Oh damn, I left the bacon part out again. Sorry, I'll try that again." Y. Link said as he left the classroom and soon came back wearing a bacon suit.

"HAHA!" The whole class yelled. The individual students didn't laugh, but the classroom laughed, in it's laughter it ate several of the individual students.

"I'm not an individual! I'm saved!" one student yelled in glee.

"You're not saved! You're a Catholic! We all know only Protestants can be saved!" Jabba screamed.

"How did you even know I'm a Catholic?" the student asked.

"Because I stalk you!" Jabba said with a wink.

"But that's a sin! You're going to hell!" the Catholic student yelld.

"No I'm not! Because I said I'm sorry!" Jabba said.

"He has a point!" Y. Link said while being gnawed on by several Buddhists.

"Get away from me! You're not supposed to eat meat!" Y. Link yelled.

"But we're hungry!" the Buddhists cried.

"You can have a bite if you read this!" Y. Link said handing them a Bible.

"You've spread Christianity! You're going to heaven!" several students yelled as the rest of the class just frowned upon this remark.

"He's not going to heaven! He's wearing a dress! That's cross-dressing! That gets you into hell!" one of the frowning students said.

"He's wearing a bacon suit your moron!" one of the happy students yelled.

"Well he wears a dress normally!" the frowning student yelled.

"It's a tunic!"

"Same thing!"

"Your mom!"

"Your dad!"

"Your bishop!"

"TAKE THAT BACK YOU HERETIC!"

"Guys guys… you're missing the point… Spiritual stories rarely touch on the point of WHAT religion is correct. Instead, they ask the question, 'is there really someone up there at all?'" Young Link said as several Muslims nodded in agreement.

"That's stupid! You're stupid! Spiritual stories should just be propaganda for or against a religion!" a nazi student yelled.

"Nazism isn't even a religion!" Y. Link yelled and slapped the nazi.

"OK fine…" the nazi said walking out slowly and sadly.

"I agree with what he said though, we need more propaganda!" Jabba said trying to get the students worked up. Sadly, many of them worked down instead, and several worked sideways.

"We don't care you anti-Christ!" the sideways students yelled.

"But I'm a Christian!" Jabba yelled.

"You're excommunicated!" the Pope, our cameo for the day, yelled.

"You can't excommunicate me from a religion you're not in!" Jabba yelled.

"No, but SHE CAN!" the Pope yelled and threw a car at Jabba.

A meteor came and carried the Pope away. It didn't kill him because nobody's feelings were allowed to be hurt. God said so.

"BUT GOD DOESN'T EXIST!" a Jamaican yelled.

"You offended someone!" God yelled and slapped the Jamaican with a lightning bolt. He then realized that what he had just done was offensive and slapped himself with a lightning bolt.

"If you could die you'd be dead right now!" Y. Link said pointing at God.

"How do you point at God? He's everywhere!" the mountain stream asked.

"GET BACK TO WORK!" Y. Link yelled pulling out some bondage equipment and threatening the mountain stream. It mumbled and went back to the mountain to do it's streaming.

"All you need to know about spiritual stories is that you will offend someone if you make it. People get really pissy really fast on this issue. Don't constantly remind them you're just joking though, that makes the story longer and the people who get offended won't care how long the warning is anyway" Y. Link said with a bow, this bow turned into a bow (the weapon) and he used this to fly off into the stars.

"How did he do that?" a Hindu asked.

"He's majik!" Kirby said as the people who didn't believe in majik popped Kirby with a piece of trampoline.

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Yay…

I'm tired and I have school to go to tomorrow… I hate school… I hate the kids in my classes and I hate almost every class. WAHH!

Oh well… I still probably get better grades than you, so I can still brag… YAHOO!

R&T… Read and Type


	11. Class Nine: Poetry

**The Unofficial Fanfiction University of Smash**

**Chapter 11: Class nine… Poetry!**

Disclaimer: I don't own the idea of putting a disclaimer at the start of everything with lots of words so as to shoot up the word count. Whoever does that kind of thing is a moron anyway… is I right or is I right (spell check told me to do that)? Those guys suck. They seriously need to stop doing that. It's just annoying… (if you didn't get it you are either innocent of stupidity and could I ask you how you do it because I've been trying to ignore this crap for years seriously I have a mouth way to big for my toenail (seeing as how that's where my mouth is located), or you're retarded but I'm so sorry I may have offended a non-retarded person by saying that because retards aren't smart enough to understand anyone is making fun of them (sorry though cause that may have been offensive too), and either way you should get out of this story not really though!). BTW I hate people who overuse parenthesis in their stories and people who use acronyms in daily speech. That's so FMA, and I don't even know what FMA stands for. Back to the main point though, I hate people who drive up the word count with annoyingly long disclaimers.

Gold stars:

I donate seven gold stars to the third world country of France. It is a country, and it is third world, I'm just not quite sure about it being a 'the' yet.

I'm seven years into "asking why to random people on the streets in a way symbolizing the loss of innocence in our times"-ology and I think I can safely say… don't do it. It's really not worth the time or effort…

ICP!

* * *

Jabba walked into his next class with minty-fresh teeth. This was soon ruined as the stench of a poetry contest currently taking place ruined it.

"A!" one child yelled, reading his poem. He then paused, needing help with the next word.

"You're a failure!" Wario screamed, throwing a bottle of milk at the child angrily.

"The child cried" the child cried, pointing at Wario.

Three fingers pointed back at the child.

Nine fingers pointed back at Wario.

Twenty-seven fingers pointed back at the child.

Eighty-one fingers pointed back at Wario.

Two hundred forty-three fingers pointed back at the child.

Seven hundred twenty-nine fingers pointed back at Wario.

The world ran out of fingers.

"AHHH!!!" the child screamed, running around without any fingers.

"That would make a good poem!" Wario yelled.

"I'd write that poem if I COULD WRITE ANYMORE BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANY FINGERS AND…" the child started screaming louder than all capitalized letters would allow and thus his lungs exploded in a fiery ball of poetry.

Shakespeare flew out of this and slapped into Jabba.

"Why hello there good… erm… I don't remember what word was supposed to go there… erm… flackenfort!?" Shakespeare said/asked/bought on ebay.

"Wow! It's Shakespeare! He's a genius because he came up with over one thousand words that we now use! He just barely came up with another one!" Wario shouted, trying to get his class to pay attention.

His class was busy rolling on the ground screaming in pain due to loss of fingers.

"Shakespeare has fingers! He must be awesome!" Wario shouted.

With this the entire class jumped onto Shakespeare and growled angrily.

"This is really… erm… badenoof" Shakespeare said throwing another genius word at everyone.

He threw this genius word so hard it knocked several of the kids into a coma.

"Run away from the Spaniard!" all the kids screamed and ran.

"I'm English actually… so please don't be so… erm… the word was… erm… I think… erm… karkiliff?" Shakespeare demanded.

Jabba laughed, then got over his immaturity and got a job for the New York Times.

The kids ran to Mexico.

"Aww… you don't have to keep dannyfooting. I'm a nice gortenshpack! Really!" Shakespeare cried out.

The Mexicans raised the children like one of those books where wolves raise people, only this time it was twice as scary.

"That could make a good poem! Write a good poem! GO!" Wario screamed.

Jabba, being the only one who payed attention, wrote a poem he thought was pretty cool.

"Time's up! Read your poem with more drama than Bill Clinton has teeth!" Wario yelled.

"That isn't a very good comparison… Bill Clinton isn't known for saving up the teeth of his victims and hiding them in the closet, thus saving up thousands of teeth which he loves and caresses, even if that's true" Jabba said.

"Well your mom!" Wario shouted and laughed so hard he blew an artery. "Ow whatever let's just go on with the poem before I die and can't make you feel bad anymore"

Kirby walked in.

Shakespeare and Kirby went to a bar.

The kids were indentured servants at that bar.

Kirby ate the kids.

Shakespeare took a bottle, broke it, and then popped Kirby with it.

The kids came flying out of Kirby.

The bar was closed for health reasons.

"I think I'll read my poem now!" Jabba shouted.

"Yes! Please! Hurry!" Wario said, losing strength due to the artery popage.

"Sometimes I feel like crying

Other times I feel like I'm flying

On a cloud of beautiful pleasure

It feels better than what you could measure

But times are not always like that

Sometimes I feel like I am missing a hat

That makes me so sad, I can't explain

All my cries to the heavens are in vain.

I only want to have a…" Jabba was suddenly cut off.

"THAT SUCKS!" Wario screamed.

"What do you want me to do?" Jabba asked.

"Your first problem is that it rhymes. I'll show you what a better version of that poem would be. Listen:

Sometimes I feel like crying

Other times I feel really good

On a cloud of beautiful pleasure

It feels better than usual and stuff.

But times aren't always that good

Sometimes I feel like complete crap

That makes me so sad, it's sad, and stuff

All my cries to the heavens ignored.

I only want to have a dollar

Not much else, why do you ignore?

I think you're a stupid person.

I stick my tongue out at you, meh!" Wario said, bowing to the audience that had appeared.

The audience cheered.

One man from the audience walked up to Wario with a baseball bat.

"Will you sign my baseball bad Tony Monchez?" the man asked.

Wario was confused, then his artery popage led to his death, this was no ordinary death though. This was death… BY TELEPHONE!

"Sorry… I didn't see you there" the telephone said, driving off in its car.

"I have the perfect word for that! Telephiggle!" Shakespeare yelled, running into the room and throwing out free Lays chips to everyone.

"Ew! Lays are totally stupid! They're greasy and stuff! I totally prefer Pringles!" the audience all said together in perfect unison.

"That jokes old!" the audience said together in perfect unison.

"Seriously! That joke sucks!" the audience said together in perfect unison.

The audience was Jabba and only Jabba. The rest of the audience had gone home.

"Oh, that explains it!" the audience tried to say together but failed miserably. This led to Jabba just falling over and screaming some incoherent babble.

"I have the perfect courtimorry for that! TUMS!" Shakespeare yelled and ran up to Jabba, shoving a bunch of Tums down his throat.

"Wario?" Peach asked, walking into the room and winking. She saw his dead body and walked out, muttering something about him owing her several bucks.

Shakespeare went back to the past, to further ruin the English language.

"Yay! That's quite higgenfroffle!" Jabba said, his English being ruined.

"I'm all alone here aren't I?" Jabba asked himself.

Jabba did what every boy does when he's all alone, he thought of ways to keep women from achieving their goals.

Women caught him in the act and slapped his wrist.

Jabba got sick of this and went to go to his next class.

Then he went to his next class.

Anyone who liked Newgrounds for things that were actually funny was burned as a witch. Salem was envious of this intolerance and hypocrisy and cried and ran to its diary and wrote some stuff in it about how sad it was.

Jabba was really sick of this and tried to leave.

Gooey got a cameo because he's obviously better than Shakespeare, but only slightly.

* * *

Go back and reread this story, SING THE WHOLE THING! It adds a flavor that can only be explained if you've tried Hot Pockets flavored toothpaste… or should I say… truthpaste!

I'm full of those…

Which sucks because those suck…

R&D!… Read and Dothpickle!


	12. Class Ten: SciFi

**The Unofficial Fanfiction University of Smash**

**Chapter 12: Class ten… Sci-Fi!**

Disclaimer: I don't own the original(spelling?) Oficial Fanfiction University of blah blah blah that's a Lord of the Rings silly story which I personally hate. I'm done annoying you up here in the disclaimer I don't know what I was thinking when I did that a year ago... SSBM is owned by the people who own it, not me. Oh, and swallowing this story may prove fatal and it's not my responsibility.

Gold stars:

7 trillion to whoever that man in the green trench coat is that keeps sitting outside of my window with binoculars.

Is it just me or were a bunch of fanfiction genres added recently? I swear I don't remember a "Crime" genre or a "Western" genre but looking at the selection list there are a bunch of wierd genres like that. I think it's silly seeing as how Western movies can be Action/Adventure or Horror or Mystery seperately... there isn't really a specific GENRE for the west... Western is more like a setting...

* * *

Jabba ran down the hall, took a left, took a right, took another left, took a left, took a left, took a right, took a left, made a U turn, took a left, took a left, and then took a left., he looked around for a second and realized he had ended up exactly where he had started running. Fortunately for him, this was right next to the Sci-Fi class he was supposed to be headed to. 

"I'm your teacher, Ness" Ness said. "You're about to learn about why Star Trek is so much more realistic than the White House!"

The White House turned Mexican.

"That ruins all my plans!" Ness cried.

"Isn't Sci-Fi usually not racist?" Jabba asked, raising his hand.

"YOU ONLY RAISED YOUR HAND! I NEVER CALLED ON YOU! I'LL KILL YOU FOR THAT YOU BASTARD!!!" Ness screamed, lunging for Jabba with a loose toenail.

"That isn't very scientif..." Jabba was stabbed through the neck with the toenail.

"Whoops. That's what we call a whole in space-time! It was all an accedent/different reality!" Ness said/slashed.

"Then... Wh...Why am I... d... d... d... d... d... d... d... d... d... d... d... d... d... d... dy... dy... dy... dy... dy... dy... dy... dy... dy... dy... dy... dy... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi..." Jabba coughed out, struggling with the word.

"Oh will you hurry up already!?" Ness screamed.

"Dying!" Jabba shouted, proud to have said the word. "Yay! Let's try another word!"

"Maticulate" Ness said.

"M... m... m... m... m... m... m... m... m... m... m... m... mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmnm toasty" Jabba said, trying to parody Quiznoes but using to many Ms and so getting fired from his new career as slogan wannabe.

"No!" Ness shouted. "And you're not dying because it was only a toenail and we're in a Sci-Fi so all fatal wounds can be healed as long as you're a main character!"

"Cool!" Jabba screamed, and sliced off his head.

"FIXED!" Ness screamed, sewing Jabba's head back on with some peanut butter.

"Wow! I knew peanut butter held the secret to all things!" Jabba shouted.

"Shut up and pay attention to me!" The Mexican house shouted and turned Black.

"AHHH! BLACK HOUSE IS A SCARY BOOK!" Jabba screamed.

"Racist!" the Black House screamed and beat Jabba over the head with his totally gangsta gold teeth, yo.

"The point is, races are all perfectly equal in the future. Instead the problems come with other species, who even though they look exactly like you, they have a stripe on their forehead, and so that makes them a different species entirely." Ness said.

"Does black count as a different species?" the Black House asked.

"Well you'd think it would, seeing as how other species are species because of deformed ears, and stripes on their face, an entirely different color is way less like a white male than any of these other species! So lets just roleplay and say you're a different species!" Ness asked.

"Didn't seem like you were asking that, but you were!" Jabba shouted.

"ITS A COMPUTER MALFUNCTION! EVERYONE TO THE ESCAPE PODS!" Ness screamed.

The class started screaming and running in circles. Everyone ran into the escape pods, which exploded upon impact with the large crowd.

"Oh, another good thing to note is that the escape pods are all given nuclear warheads, so that there can be drama in the fact that there were no survivors. Drama is more important than survivors anyway!" Ness asked.

"THE COMPUTER IS TAKING FULL CONTROL OF GRAMMAR! WE NEED MEDICAL ASSISTANCE!" Jabba asked.

"How may I help you?" A robot screamed. "ERROR, SCREAM NOT DETECTED! SELF DESTRUCT INITIATED!"

The robot exploded into many different peices. The explosion was disfiguring and it turned the Black House Gay.

"The problem with Sci-Fi is the robots and computers always end up taking arms up against the users, so it leavs Sci-Fi fans with a feeling of fighting against progress!" Ness asked.

"That's why we never had computers back in the old days, we only had slaves!" The Gay House shouted.

"SEE! IT TURNED A BLACK HOUSE INTO A GAY SLAVE OWNER! SCI-FI IS BAD FOR YOUR CHILDREN!" Ness asked.

"I understand completely! Every movie with technology that's better than our own is from the devil, and will destroy our souls!" Jabba asked.

The computer got a virus from looking at too much of the Gay House.

"YAY! WE'RE FREE FROM OPPRESSION!" Ness shouted. He then giggled and boasted with all the pent up emotions.

"Emotions aren't very Sci-Fi...ish" Jabba said.

"Not in the main part of the action, no, but at the end the computers are destroyed and everyone realizes the stone age was better because emotions were free." Ness stated.

"BUT I LIKE CELL PHONES!" Jabba cried.

"I think you've forgotten who's supposed to be teaching the class here." Ness said, pulling out a switchbladewithatwelvedollarbill knife.

"The class is all dead! You killed them all with those stupid escape pods!" Jabba cried.

"Speaking of which, you didn't get into one! You're disobaying direct orders from your captain! That's a no no in Sci-Fi!" Ness screamed.

"You're confusing Sci-Fi with Star Trek. Even if Star Trek is the typical Sci-Fi, there are other Sci-Fis that focus more on emotions, freedom, and occasionaly people with magical powers!" Jabba said.

"You have a point in that Star Wars has emotions crawling out of places I don't like to talk about in public, but as for the other things, well... those aren't really Sci-Fis... the only Sci-Fi movies that are really Sci-Fi are Star Trek and Star Wars." Ness asked. "AHH!! THE COMPUTERS ARE ATTACKING AGAIN! IT'S A SEQUEL!"

"I happen to like Star Craft! And I know there's got to be a Sci-Fi movie somewhere that doesn't start with Star!" Jabba cried.

"There isn't" Ness said, looking down in sorrow.

This is the emotional part where they start crying until they run out of tears and so go pick up some seven-year-olds and start beating them over the head with hockey sticks so the kids can cry for them instead. Unfortunately they beat the seven-year-olds to death, and so had no more tears for the rest of the story. You might want to get some popcorn, the next part gets boring.

"I LOVE YOU!" Jabba shouted, hugging Ness.

"We're done here. I mean... holy hell I'm not talking to you anymore." Ness said, backing away slowly.

"But there has to be some kind of built up passion in Sci-Fi..." Jabba muttered.

"No... no matter how tolerant society is in Sci-Fi... gays have already been exterminated and so no..." Ness said.

"WHAT!?" The Gay House screamed.

"I mean... erm... umm..." Ness looked around for a scapegoat. Unfortunately all he found was a scapecomputer, he shoved the scapecomputer in the Gay House.

"Ohh... that tickles!" The Gay House giggled. The Gay House then fell over and died of electric psyciopadility.

"You've destroyed the place the President sleeps!" Jabba shouted.

"No, I destroyed the scapecomputer... now computers have to take the blame themselves, and soon all that guilt will cause them to explode!" Ness said. He was putting his brain to use, and his brain was putting it's brain to use, as his brain was smart enough to have a brain of it's own. We can think of it as a kind of pet brain...

Computers died.

"MY LIFE IS RUINED!" Joeb screamed running through the door and kicking Ness in the face. He then took Ness' brain's brain and started beating Ness with it. Ness' brain couldn't function properly without a brain, and Ness was soon asymilated by the Borg. Joeb then collectively beat the Borg with a shovel until their collective foot fell off. Borg died. Ness died AND lost his identity, OH SNAP!!!

"Wait, what?" Jabba asked.

"Nothing!" Joeb said with a christmas tree lodged up his eye suspiciously.

"OK fine... it's time for my next class anyway" Jabba said, turning around to leave.

"WAIT! WHAT'S THE POINT YOU'VE LEARNED TODAY!?" Joeb asked.

"Sci-Fi is too weird so I'll just ignore it" Jabba said.

"Good boy!" Joeb said.

Jabba accedentally stepped on Kirby, popping him, on the way out the door.

* * *

If you read that and got offended because you happen to know of good Sci-Fi that doesn't start with STAR somehow then you're a loser and need to get out more... 

Oh hell... that must mean...

I'M A LOSER AND NEED TO GET OUT MORE!!! DX

R&GWB! Read and George Whitebutnotreallyhe'ssecretlyablackman Bush! (if you don't believe in that middle initial then I suggest you work a bit harder on your conspiracy theory...itude...)


	13. Class Eleven: Angst

**The Unofficial Fanfiction University of Smash**

**Chapter 13: Class Eleven... Angst!**

Disclaimer: I don't even know if the original fanfiction university still exists, but it doesn't really matter. It sucked anyway.

Gold stars:

What's that?

I'm about to tackle two years of my life with this chapter...

* * *

Jabba walked into the classroom with absolutely no problem. It was a completely uneventful time in his life. All that there was, was the constant nothingness of his soul, devoid of any meaning.

"That's sad!" Jabba said, sadly. He said it with much sorrow. The words he spoke were spoken with a tone of depression.

The punchline was on vacation.

"Now there's nothing to cheer me up!" Jabba said, sadly. He said it with no hope. He was full of a lack of emotion.

"I can help!" a punch said. "I may not be a punch line, but I'm close enough!"

With that, Jabba was punched in the nads. Fortunately for him, his nads were on vacation in Columbia, unfortunately for him, his nads were on vacation in Columbia.

"Where did they go!?" Jabba cried, obviously not paying attention to the part where I said they were on vacation in Columbia.

Jabba didn't have any more time to be mopey and crybabyesque. Class was starting and all the students were walking into the room.

"Good morning class!" Luigi didn't yell.

"Good morning Mr. Mario" The class responded in a very unmotivated fashion. There was a serious lack of excitement in their voices. They definitely weren't happy. They also weren't made out of jello... except for that one kid. They weren't angry, they weren't giddy. They were lacking in tone. They weren't even monotone. They were nomotone, one step below monotone. They weren't in underwear and they certainly hadn't been up all last night partying like goats. I can go on telling you what they didn't have, do, or feel, but I'm bored. I'm feeling a lack of excitement. I'm not happy. I'm not a transvestite sumo wrestler who failed out of medical school. I'm not a lot of things really.

"Don't call me Mr. Mario! That would be confusing, we have three Mr. Mario's working at this facility! Instead, call me a fruit-bat!" Luigi didn't yell.

"Why?" Jabba asked without any real concern. His voice was lacking in concern. He didn't show an ounce of milk, rather he showed a whole gallon of the stuff. He was really promoting that milk.

Luigi got sick of all this unnecessary emphasis on the fact that there wasn't anything to describe, and threw some fireworks into the air.

"Describe the lack of THIS!" Luigi didn't yell, throwing the fireworks not at the ground but in a different direction.

The fireworks weren't made of a compound you can generally get through osmosis. The fireworks weren't water based. The fireworks didn't have any emotion on their faces and didn't even have faces. The lack of meaning in their existance depressed even the happiest people in the room. There weren't any happy people in the room though, and now thanks to the void that was expressed through these fireworks, there never would be.

"Actually I think we're never going to be happy because those aren't fireworks... that's over two hundred pounds of C4 explosives!" Jabba said without any emotion. The pain of existence had taken the emotions away. The emotions were dating the pain of existence, and they enjoyed being around each other. Jabba didn't know if he'd ever see his emotions again.

The explosives went off and their combined power killed everyone in the room, and collapsed Luigi's lung.

"I won't let you die!" Jabba yelled.

"Please, I really wanna!" Luigi didn't cry.

"Not until you've finished your vegetables!" Jabba yelled.

"But they're nasty!" Luigi didn't cry.

"Then no dieing for you!" Jabba yelled.

"But MOOOOOOOMMM!" Luigi didn'ted.

"No, you're going to LIVE!" Jabba yelled.

So Luigi didn't die, and he moped around for a while because Jabba wouldn't let him die.

"Why do you want to die?" Luigi's psychiatrist asked. Luigi's psychiatrist had a lack of non-expression. He seemed like he legitimately didn't not care. He wasn't Mewtwo, and he wasn't Lucario. He wasn't Ness or Lucus. He wasn't any kind of item and he certainly wasn't based on any kind of animal/human cross. OK I lied his psychiatrist was Mewtwo.

"Just curious" Luigi didn't fascism.

"Well with that kind of an answer there's no way I can let you into death. You're going to need to come up with a real answer to fill this position" Mewtwo said.

Jabba realized that he wasn't needed here anymore. He walked away in sorrow.

"Wait a minute..." Jabba said to himself, starting to feel something.

"Wasn't I supposed to learn something from this class?" Jabba pondered. He remembered how all his other classes had something to give. How there was a meaning at the end of every one.

"What am I supposed to learn from this!" Jabba yelled, running back to Luigi.

"What are you talking about?" Luigi didn't put out any fires.

"What was the meaning of this class?" Jabba asked.

"You're silly. Angst isn't supposed to have meaning. It's not about what's happening or what's good. Angst is about describing the LACK of what's there and the LACK of anything important happening" Luigi didn't yell. Luigi didn't wink. Luigi's facial muscles didn't do anything of interest during this speech. They were devoid of meaning.

"So, am I supposed to learn anything?" Jabba asked.

"The thing that makes Angst so sad is that it doesn't actually do anything. In the end you realize there was no point, and that there's no point to existence" Luigi didn't go on a bloody rampage killing all the fanfiction authors who loved to always portray him as a whiney little fag with no friends and who always ended up failing at life. Luigi didn't use chainsaws to saw these people in half for all the hate they always spewed towards him, and he certainly didn't do anything funny.

So Jabba did those things for Luigi.

"Hey, wow, something happened!" Luigi DID yell. His lungs weren't used to yelling, as he had spent so much time not yelling, that they collapsed from the new feeling.

"I'm not gonna let you die!" Jabba yelled.

"But you killed all those people for me, why not help me do this too?" Luigi asked.

"K" Jabba said and walked away, into a flower pot. The flower pot was nicknamed Columbia, and Jabba found his nads.

"Horray!" Jabba shouted.

He was then punched in the nads.

Joeb walked into the room wearing sleek new Kirby slippers he had made from Kirby's rotting body.

"I don't know what hurts worse... rotting or being worn as slippers..." Kirby cried. He cried tears of something that wasn't happy.

"Now you know what angst is!" Joeb smiled.

Jabba was busy on the ground having just been punched in the nads. The punch made him think that maybe he could make a sand castle, and that was what he was doing currently.

"No, I'm the one who currently understands the pain of angstyness!" Kirby cried.

"Well whatever it is, it certainly isn't happiness!" Joeb laughed, and ran away. He tripped on a shard of glass, causing Kirby to pop... twice... one for each slipper.

"So now I understand. I should never write angsty stories because they're full of nothing happening, and that just gets boring!" Jabba chachalolmonetariosoed (an emotion that is having every single possible emotion at the same time). "Wait, if EMO is supposed to stand for emotional, and angst is the lack of any meaning or emotions... aren't they supposed to be polar opposites? Why do EMO's write so much angst?"

Jabba's brain exploded trying to figure it out. Jabba was fine though, and headed to his next class.

* * *

Erm...

I don't know what I had been planning to do with this story, but what I'm not doing to do is have it sit here and rot. I will finish the shit that needs to be finished!!!

That goes for some other stories too, which I'm sure you can guess.

Damn it, things will happen, and there will be something EPIC in the world... I WILL RULE THE WORLD!!! Falling short of that I will destroy it... I don't know yet, but DAMN IT I want to DO SOMETHING!


	14. Class Twelve: Rating System

**The Unofficial Fanfiction University of Smash**

**Chapter 14:** Class Twelve... The Rating System!

Disclaimer: I didn't shoot you, and you can't prove that I was the one to pay the guy who shot you.

Gold stars:

If I give you one or two, then I expect you to tie your shoe. If I give you three or four, I expect you to go to the store. If I give you five or six, I expect you to quit playing tricks. If I give you seven or eight, I expect you to call me great. If I give you nine or ten, then I expect you to eat a hen.

No comment is a comment so instead of saying no comment it's best to just say: "How do you expect ME to know about the economic situation of Bavaria between the years 1536 and 1600!?"

* * *

"Good morning America!" Kirby said, walking into the classroom.

"This is an international site, with many fine users from Australia, Canada, and the UK!" Bowser, the tolerant one, shouted. "And that's not even going into the many other countries with users contributing to the site, even if their countries are weak, pathetic, and unimportant!"

Kirby had learned his lesson. This wasn't good enough for Bowser. Bowser chomped a chunk of Kirby and swallowed.

"My most of me!" Kirby miserably died, as blood gushed onto the floor.

Bowser then turned to the class, with a questioning look. "What would you rate that!?"

"I give it a 9/10!" Jabba shouted confidently.

"No you idiot! I mean would you give it a K, K+, T, or M rating on Fanfiction's website," Bowser sighed.

"It's clearly K, because Kirby is nothing more than a wad of bubble gum, and chewing bubble gum is very kid friendly!" a normal looking man said. He seemed normal, but he had a past that haunted him... what a loser.

"Bubble gum doesn't bleed you fool!" Bowser said. "And you're wrong!"

Bowser threw his shell like a boomerang, it crushed the normal looking fool.

"It is a T rating, because as long as there's not tons and tons of sex going on every second, and blood and guts pouring out of everyone non-stop, you can pretty much get away with a T rating on anything!" Bowser winked.

"Isn't that what lead to several of Joeb's stories being deleted?" Jabba asked.

Joeb cried and killed himself.

"Shut up!" Bowser yelled. "Now, let's continue with the class!"

"The next scene I'm going to show you will be from a Romance/Horror! You have to tell me if it's rated K, K+, T, or M!" Bowser said.

The scene started:

...

Peach *censored* Link. Link got *censored* all over Peach's *censored*. They laughed.

Link was *censored*, he walked to the closet to pull out a *censored*. Suddenly, a scythe flew from the closet and *censored* Link's *censored*.

"AHHHHH!!!" Link screamed as he *censored* his *censored*.

Peach screamed, putting some *censored* on her *censored* and pulling out a *censored*. She viciously beat on the *censored* that was still in the closet.

The *censored* had tentacles, and started *censored* Peach as Link fell to the ground and died of *censored*.

Samus and Pichu were walking down the hall when they heard all the commotion going on in Peach's bedroom. They giggled to themselves. Then Samus started *censored* Pichu.

The next day, Mario walked into Peach's room to see the *censored* Peach hanging by her *censored* on the cieling fan, with a *censored* Link lying in a pile of his own *censored* on the floor, with his *censored* cut off.

Mario noticed his opportunity and started to *censored*.

...

The entire class watched on, wide eyed. Nobody spoke a word. A few people nearly vomited.

The scene went on for another twelve hours.

Jabba didn't know if he was going to be excommunicated from his religion or not for having witnessed this.

"What would you rate that!?" Bowser asked with glee. "You know I wrote it myself!"

There was an awkward silence.

"Well?" Bowser asked.

The class pushed some buttons that had appeared on the desks. After a vote, the winning rating was revealed.

It was a K+.

"K+!?" Bowser screamed. "How did you get a K+ out of that! That was so obviously rated K! You guys are so easily offended! I'm shocked! I'm appalled! You're the worst class I've ever had to deal with!"

The class agreed with Bowser.

"Now, let's show you guys another scene, and see if you aren't so stupid when you rate it!" Bowser yelled.

The scene started:

...

Kirby was walking through a pretty field of flowers. He was so happy, and the world was so bright and bubbly. Nothing could possibly go wrong!

"Hi Kirby! What'cha doin'?" Peach asked.

Kirby pointed towards an apple, wide-eyed.

"Aww! How cute!" Peach said, and then took the apple and walked away.

Kirby was heartbroken. He really wanted that apple.

Suddenly Pichu ran into the room.

"Hey Kirby! You wanna go play!" Pichu giggled.

Kirby smiled, and ran off to go play with Pichu.

...

"What would you rate that?" Bowser asked.

After some deliberation, the votes were tallied.

It was M.

"Good job! You clearly got the references that Kirby and Pichu were about to go do naughty things. And whenever Smashers get their hands on apples, it always gets M rated!" Bowser said.

"Does this rating system make any sense?" Jabba asked.

"Silly author, what you fail to understand, is the ratings on most stories never make any sense, and there's no use trying to make your ratings make sense when the system as a whole is broken!" Bowser said.

"I thought you were supposed to be teaching us how to be better authors, not to give up just because some authors are stupid?" Jabba asked.

"Yeah, I was, but I've lost enthusiasm," Bowser said. "The point is, don't rate your story M unless you really really have to, because M ratings lead to less traffic. T ratings generally get the most traffic."

"I thought most of Fanfiction's traffic was people looking for odd and disgusting M rated stories?" Jabba asked.

"No!" Bowser cried in denial. "That's a lie! Lemons are NOT the only reason fanfiction is popular!"

The lemons got their own TV show, called Lemons for Lunch!

Jabba ate a lemon, and odd things started happening in his stomach. Suddenly Jabba's stomach exploded, getting acid all over the rest of the class. They slowly melted while screaming in horrific pain.

"I would rate that T!" Bowser said with a wink. He then melted because some of the acid got on him.

With no reason to be in the room anymore, Jabba left. He had a few minutes before he had to be at his next class, and decided he'd take a break. He plopped a piece of bubble gum into his mouth, it started bleeding all over the place. He looked down at the bubble gum wrapper to see it's title. "Kirby Pop Bubble Gum!" Jabba shuddered, but kept chewing the gum.

* * *

And now you know exactly why I hate M rated stories... or don't... I'm not sure...

What I am sure about is this... I want to go see a movie...

So that's what I'm off to go do...

Please review... oh dear God please! My entire self-worth depends on you reviewing this!


	15. Class Thirteen: Subspace Emissary

**The Unofficial Fanfiction University of Smash**

**Chapter 15:** Class Thirteen... The Subspace Emissary

Disclaimer: The whole point of "live and let live" is that you assume he isn't going to survive that much longer in the situation you left him in. So quit letting people live comfortable lives you silly people!

Gold stars:

No

My mother told me a wise thing once. Then she went crazy, and I forgot what it is she said.

* * *

Jabba walked into his next class with his eye on the prize.

"Get your eye off my prize pervert!" Zelda screamed, slapping Jabba with her hands, as opposed to slapping him with her feet.

"I would have preferred the feet..." Jabba sighed.

"I don't care what you prefer!!!" Zelda screamed, suddenly wearing full punk rock attire.

Everyone started moshing wildly. Limbs were entangled and separated. People were punched and kicked in the face until they no longer had faces. The entire classroom was slowly being deformed.

"This is stupid mindless and silly!" Jabba tried to convince everyone, but they had already started moshing, and didn't know how to stop.

Slowly people died, until there were only about five people left in the class.

"That's what makes our university so great! We have small class sizes!" Zelda winked.

"Because you keep killing them all!" Jabba cried. He was scarred for life.

"Oh be quiet you! You're such a negative Nancy!" Zelda screamed in a very punk rock style.

Joeb sneaked in and slapped Zelda back into teaching mode, then flew away.

"OK then, let's start with class today!" Zelda said. "Today we will teach about the Subspace Emissary!"

"YAY IT'S THE GREATEST THING EVER INVENTED BY MAN EVER EVER!!!" the class screamed in joy.

Jabba tried to scream in joy, but instead joyed in scream. His lymph nodes never forgave him.

The insanity stopped.

"Whether or not you think the Subspace Emissary is amazing is beside the point!" Zelda said. "If you think trying to add drama and opera to a game originally about dolls fighting each other while making levels long and tedious and adding insanely long cut-scenes that do absolutely nothing to build the plot, then fine. We're not here to judge that."

Jabba felt offended.

"The point is this," Zelda started.

"We just started class you stupid whore, you're not supposed to tell them what the point is yet!" Link yelled, walking into the classroom.

"Oh, so what should we do with all this time then?" Zelda asked.

"MOSH!!!" Link yelled. He tried to start a mosh pit, but it's hard to do with like... 6 people.

Link cheated and used his sword, killing everyone but him, Jabba, and Zelda.

"Oh, well... I need to go now!" Link said and walked away.

"Errr..." Jabba felt the awkward silence slithering up his leg.

"Yeah..." Zelda said.

"I guess that's why you're not supposed to be doing punk rock during class," Jabba said, trying to break the ice.

"That wasn't punk rock you loser! That was poser emo crap! Real punk rock is way cooler!" Zelda screamed suddenly wearing full punk rock attire.

"Erm, you're the one who did it though..." Jabba said.

The ice had been sufficiently broken, and Zelda fell through to her death.

"God damn it!" Jabba yelled, and then headed for the door.

Meanwhile, in a deep dark cavern.

"Joeb! There's an emergency in the Subspace Emissary classroom! Nobody is learning anything!" Kirby screamed.

"Isn't that how this whole University works?" Joeb asked. "We just bring all the other authors in to be slaughtered so that I'm the last one standing?"

"Yeah, but... well..." Kirby stumbled. "Jabba is like, the protagonist or something! He's supposed to learn something in the end!"

"OK fine, I'll go teach it myself!" Joeb yelled, and skated out of the deep dark cavern.

Kirby was eaten by a praying mantis.

"I hear you haven't learned anything in this class!" Joeb yelled, skating in like a true skater would.

"What am I supposed to learn then?" Jabba asked.

"I'm biased, I didn't like the Subspace Emissary for various reasons, but that's not the point I'm trying to make!" Joeb yelled.

"Right... you're not at all trying to drive home the point that it was boring and tedious... sure" Jabba said.

"But fanfiction seems to be covered in stories that are simply rehashes of the story line of SSBB!" Joeb cried. "You can't just repeat what was already done in the story mode and call it fanfiction! You can't just add some dialogue and follow the exact same events as what happened in the Subspace Emissary! If I already played Brawl, why would I be interested in reading what I already played!?"

"So what you're trying to say, is that people shouldn't write stories about the Subspace Emissary?" Jabba asked. "I just think you're jealous!"

"You're actually right. I don't get hardly any views for my stories anymore! I get maybe one or two reviews per chapter! You're damn right I'm jealous! How dare people --who do nothing more than repeat the story that's already in the game-- get more reviews than ME!" Joeb broke down crying.

Link walked into the room and smashed Joeb's skateboard over his head.

"You're not a real skater! You're a god damn poser! You only wish you could be cool enough to be a skater!" Link yelled, and then walked out again.

Jabba was confused as hell.

"GO AWAY! I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF!!!" Joeb cried, pulling out a razor blade and five gallons of sleeping pills.

Jabba walked away.

So there Joeb was, contemplating suicide. It was the only way out.

Of course, contemplating suicide is gay. So Joeb stopped contemplating and just killed himself.

"Hooray!" All the Smashers yelled. "His power is no longer over us!"

And so the Smashers tore down the university, and rebuilt their beloved village. And everyone lived happily ever after. Except for Jabba, who couldn't figure out how to get back into the real world, and couldn't find anybody interested enough to help him. He eventually died of rabies in a discreet alleyway.

Pichu also died of rabies, but we knew that was going to happen anyway.

* * *

I didn't mean to end the story right here... it just... kind of happened...

I have other things to do, this story needed to end anyways.

So... live long and prosper... listen to your mother... read and review... and whatever other Star Trek message you can think of (yes, Star Trek was telling you to review my stories the whole time)


End file.
